Random Shots

TV star Jennifer Garner was in the booth with Al Michaels and John Madden on Monday night. Watching the game, she said, "I could that, put me out there." John Madden sputtered, "Put you out where?"...

Parkersburg, Iowa has a population of 1,800. Yet they boast four current NFL players. If New York City had the same ratio, they'd have 16,000 current NFL players. At least according to ESPN's math...

Chalk up another victim to the Sports Illustrated cover jinx. Last week's cover featured the Kansas City Chiefs. There isn't a safer bet in sports than going with the SI hex. Being on the box of Madden's Football game is close though...

I just saw the memo from the league. It's official now that Giants head coach Jim Fassel has formally changed his name to "Embattled coach Jim Fassel".

Donovan McNabb finished Sunday's game with a quarterback rating of 132.5. I'm just passing that along...

While I'm on quarterback ratings, here's how bad it's been for the Jets. Chad Pennington finished Sunday's game with a perfect quarterback rating of 158.3. It was only the 41st time for a QB to do that. The only difference with Pennington was that the previous 40 quarterbacks all won their game.

You guys with young kids will get this one: Don't the little round silver and gold graphics that ESPN uses on the Monday Night Countdown intros look like Beyblades?

NFL Network is running a commercial featuring Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of the comedy South Park TV show. It was interesting to me the league would choose them to promote their new network. If you're not a South Park fan, you can check out summaries of some of their shows here:

A few of the more notable episodes as described by the website:

Episode 406:
Cartman decides to seek the friendship of older men. Using the Internet, he makes a connection with men who love to hang out with little boys. An organization called NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association) holds a meeting in South Park and Cartman becomes their poster child. The boys learn how much an adult can really love a child.

Episode 302:
Kenny spontaneously combusts. The mayor asks Randy Marsh to find a solution. The boys try to help Kyle's dad to get an erection. One way they think they can help is by performing the Stations of the Cross at church crucifying Cartman and waiting three days for his res-erection. Randy Marsh figures out the reason everyone is combusting is because they are withholding their farts.

Episode 614:
A loveable new character, Mr. Slave, makes his debut as Mr. Garrison desperately tries to get fired from his new job as the boys' 4th grade teacher. Meanwhile, our little heroes get sent to the Deathcamp of Intolerance for not tolerating Mr. Garrison's intolerable behavior (e.g. sticking a gerbil up Mr. Slave's as*).

I've questioned before the wisdom of having Ray Lewis as your spokesman. I'm sure I'll get plenty of emails telling me I'm too uptight and that I don't "get" it, but I'll take Ray Lewis all day over these guys.

Funniest ad of the week: The Porsche Cayenne guy revving his car in the driveway with the phone next to the exhaust pipe. He thinks his buddy is impressed but you know his buddy is just laughing because his friend could have bought the Volkswagen version for a lot less money. Speaking of Volkswagen, I can't wait for the new Phaeton. I bet a $70,000 Volkswagen will sell like hotcakes...

Dallas wide receiver Terry Glenn was stoked about facing his former team. "I just hate everything about everything over there," Glenn said. "I can't wait to get up there. I hate everything about New England."

Yes, Baltimore - Miami was about as ugly as we thought it might be...

San Francisco coach Dennis Erickson on Terrell Owens Monday night: "T.O., he played really, really well. The block he made on Kevan Barlow's run might be the most impressive thing I've ever seen him do, and he's made some plays."

Seattle's Koren Robinson said: "The time has arrived for us to become that dominant offense once again. Remember how last year was during the last six games? That was nothing. Once it gets going, it's going to be wildfire." I don't know about "wildfire" but I do know some Fantasy Owners that were burned by Robinson this season...

Bill Parcells was asked if he made many impassioned speeches to his team. He answered, "No, not at all, not even the night before the game. I do most of my talking during the week. Things that I think are important I'll say to them after practice or in the meeting in the morning. I don't have that much to say." With Parcells being an endless source of quotable material for columns like this, I find that interesting.

Titans coach Jeff Fisher suffered a brain cramp last week when Jacksonville's Marcus Stroud made some very derogatory comments toward Fisher. Instead of taking the high road, Fisher responded with this: "We had a great deal of interest in him (Stroud) prior to the draft. We thought he was a fine player, but we were concerned about his
(Wonderlic) test score." As you probably know, the Wonderlic test is an intelligence / aptitude test given to rookies. It was a low blow and Fisher was reprimanded by the league. If that wasn't bad enough, Stroud actually scored a 23 on the test which is considered good and happens to be higher than several quarterbacks who are starting in the league. To his credit, Fisher sought out Stroud in the pregame warm-ups and apologized. Stroud was cool afterwards - "What he said is just part of the game. Coach Fisher is a good coach who has his boys playing well. I told him I understood where he was coming from."

Panthers wide receiver Ricky Proehl was asked to describe his quarterback Jake Delhomme's behavior in the huddle. Proehl said Delhomme was "like a little boy with Attention Deficit Disorder." Delhomme does seem like he has a lot of fun. From a personality angle, he reminds me of Brett Favre. In the South where I live, they'd say, "He ain't near right". Funny, but that's probably how Delhomme would say it too...

ESPN ran an excellent feature on how Arizona's Emmitt Smith is passing the torch to Marcel Shipp. Smith reportedly has been coaching Shipp on everything from reading defenses to how to handle recovery on Monday morning. Smith seems to be enjoying his leadership role. Mike Irvin was in Arizona to interview Smith but before Smith would start the interview, he made Irvin spend a half hour giving pointers to Cardinal rookie wide receiver Anquan Boldin.

So much for the "Marshall Faulk's Return Will Kill Torry Holt's Numbers" theory...

Nice coaching on the Redskins special teams. In the week prior, Carolina kicker John Kasay had pooch punted instead of kicking the field goal. As he lined up for a 54 yard attempt Sunday, the Washington DBs quickly dropped back ready to field the possible punt.

At halftime, Seattle was on pace to score 70 points. But they punted on every possession in the 2nd half. New Orleans' Deuce McAllister had the opposite type game. At halftime, he only had 20 yards rushing. He finished the game with 173 yards on the ground and two touchdowns.

Houston's Domanick Davis led the team with 68 yards rushing. Wide receiver Andre Johnson tallied negative 34 yards rushing. In other words, the team's net yardage number was cut in half by one negative rush from the wide receiver. You don't see that everyday.

Here's how bad it was for San Diego Sunday. The Chargers' best player, LaDainian Tomlinson, touched the ball 12 times. 8 rushes for 29 yards and 4 passes for 16 yards. The worst part is that his 4 catches equaled the San Diego wide receivers' receptions combined.

Tampa Bay's John Lynch is a player. Peter King asked him Sunday how hurt he really was and Lynch replied: "My strength is so far down right now, I can't push off well. I can't get guys off me. But it's times like this that you play out of professional obligation."

I like the Black Eagles jerseys. And I'm sure the league is liking the cash registers ringing. But really, they look pretty much like the dark green after a little sweat.

Speaking of sweat, Dallas kicker Billy Cundiff barely broke a sweat. He had no extra point attempts and no field goal attempts Sunday. Denver punter Micah Knorr was in the same boat. The Broncos did not punt the entire game. Although Knorr kicked a field goal for Jason Elam so he earned his money.

Definition of "streaky": Carolina kicker John Kasay had made 22 consecutive field goal attempts entering last week's game. Then he missed two Sunday.

Ok, I'll give the Miller beer guys credit. The domino commercial is excellent and you win major league points for pulling out the Devo song. But I still think it's very funny that the world's most generic beer maker is trying to convince people it's cool to be different.

Everyone is loving Marvin Lewis and with good reason. The Bengals are red hot and Lewis deserves much of the success. I've been impressed with how he's been able to keep the focus on the big picture while he's handled the tough personalities. For instance, he said this about Corey Dillon earlier this week: "He's been a joy for me to deal with. I've enjoyed him. You can't win in this league with church mice. Let's have some guys with spirit."

To his credit, Dillon is trying to correct his earlier "trade me" words: "I know I said some things people probably did not appreciate and that's just me sometimes," said Dillon. "Sometimes I speak too fast and don't think about what I'm saying. I know the fans have supported me through a whole lot of stuff. One of the biggest things for me was coming back and trying to get accepted by them." He was also able to keep a sense of humor. "They didn't throw any bricks at me, so I felt pretty good," joked Dillon. "I expected the worst -- I thought some beer bottles might be coming. But I showed them that I care about them and I love them. What was said is what was said, and I apologize for it."

Non Football comment: If you want a good, fun movie for the family, check out Will Farrell's "Elf". Definitely two thumbs up. Best line is when he describes the perils of traffic and crossing the streets in New
York: "Watch out. The yellow ones don't stop".

Cincinnati's Rudi Johnson had 103 rushing yards Sunday... 103 rushing yards more than Priest Holmes that is. Johnson finished with 165 yards on the ground.

For you dynasty league guys in deep leagues - remember this name: Ricky Ray. He's the 6'3" / 210 pound quarterback who just led the Edmonton Eskimos to a Grey Cup win in the CFL. He's logged two excellent seasons with Edmonton and has drawn the eye of many NFL teams. The best part is that he's only 24. Stay tuned...

Speaking of the CFL, hats off to wide receiver Jermaine Copeland. The former University of Tennessee player became the first player to lead three professional leagues in receiving: The CFL, the XFL and NFL Europe. Just because I know you guys like stuff like that...

My take on the Keyshawn Johnson story. I think it will turn out to be a genius move on Jon Gruden's part. When you're going to battle, you need all the players on the same page. You don't need players who are saying they'd rather retire than play for you in 2004. No one is above the team.

I'm feeling cocky after predicting the Bengals would upset Kansas City last week. Here's my double or nothing prediction: Tampa Bay catches fire and wins their next three games. Given the fact they're 4-6, on a 3 game skid, and haven't won more than one game in a row all year, that may be bolder than picking the Bengals...

I think the Tampa Bay loss of Keyshawn Johnson will be much like the Cleveland loss of Kevin Johnson. The Browns looked great Sunday. Said wide receiver Quincy Morgan: "No we don't miss K.J.," Morgan said. "Nothing against him, but we don't miss him on the field. I miss him as a person, but I promise you we won't miss him on the field. A lot of people made a big deal out of it. It wasn't that big a deal at all. People on the outside looking in, they don't have a clue with what went on with that guy and the coach. I'm not going into it. He's not here. He's not a Brown. We have a team that can play. Let's move on."

While I'm on that, does it seem weird to you that two high profile wide receivers, both with the last name of Johnson and the initials K.J. were booted by their team in the past ten days?

If you're interested, no team had ever opened the season with 6 consecutive wins followed by 4 straight losses. Sorry Vikings fans.

Rick Mirer won his first game since 1999. Mirer's come up small in lots of ways but it looks like perseverance paid off.

I still think the Shockey ads for the watch are goofy. If they wanted a guy wearing a watch, I bet they could've snagged Reggie Roby for a lot less money. (The old timers will get that one...)

Here's a great example of how fantasy points often don't equate with the media attention a player receives. Randy Moss has fewer total yards than Moe Williams.

Alge Crumpler is a fun name to say, but the novelty is wearing off with these kinds of numbers.

Sometimes, when it starts going bad, it just keeps rolling. During pregame introductions at Miami, Ravens coach Brian Billick was identified as "Brian Belichick."

Indianapolis ran offensive plays Sunday. The Jets ran 34. Who do you think won?

Although you have to give credit to Peyton Manning. He rolled up 401 yards with Marvin Harrison on the sidelines.

San Francisco center Jeremy Newberry was asked what he feels like after a game. He said, "You ever been in a real good car wreck?"...

Atlanta's Mike Vick now wants us to go back to calling him Michael. No thanks. One name change per career is pretty much all I'm up for.

For any of you Tampa fans who've been wondering why the beer tasted a little funny...

Rod Graves, Cardinals vice president of football operations had this to say after Sunday's loss: "I was embarrassed today, as every member of this football team should be. There were things that happened out there to us today that shouldn't happen in the 10th week of the season. And I apologize to Mr. (Bill) Bidwill and I apologize to any interested fans for how we performed today." Translation: Goodbye Dave McGinnis. You can bet the Cards are paying very close attention to the Bengals turnaround.

Write your own caption for this one. I'm not going near that one...

I wonder if Carson Palmer has explained to Jon Kitna that he's not supposed to be playing this well...

I've been a Peter Warrick fan for a long time. He was great during the press conference Sunday. "Y'all came to see Dante Hall. And instead you got some of P-Duhhhhhb". You gotta like that.

"You play 20 years and there's going to be days like this. But it was pretty bad. You know, you're not going to be able to throw for 400 yards and dance around every week in this league.'' Doug Flutie (as if anyone else could have said this...)

Peter King had the stat of the week: In 1969, when the Chiefs went on to win the Super Bowl, they lost at Cincinnati 24-19. On Sunday, they lost at Cincinnati 24-19.

ESPN's Adrian Wojnarowski had a fairly pointed essay regarding Keyshawn Johnson this week. Here's a snip: "The thing is, Keyshawn can't help himself. It's almost as if no one else can be included in the conversation as a great receiver, which is ultimately ironic considering that Keyshawn Johnson himself doesn't belong in the discussion."

The Jets' Santana Moss is now up to 6 consecutive games with a touchdown. Wow.

I'm all for revenge and everything but the Stephen Davis touchdown against the Redskins was a gift Sunday.

Would some NFL team just go ahead and hire Nick Saban already? I hear his name thrown out 25 times a week.

After week one with the Bills flying high and the Bengals looking like the same old Bengals, I made the comment that Buffalo's Takeo Spikes sure seemed happy to finally be on a winning team and away from Cincinnati. I bet he's not as happy now.

Cincinnati's Chad Johnson summed things up in Bengal Land: "It's not the same around here anymore. It's fun."

Speaking of Johnson, not everyone on the team was thrilled with his guarantee last week. Said tackle Willie Anderson: "It's not like we look up to Chad and say 'Ooh, he's going to inspire us.' We rally behind guys(who) work hard and are subtle with their comments. Not the loudmouth guy who puts his gold teeth in right before you go on the field."

Hard Luck Awards

OAK QB R. Mirer sure TD pass dropped by WR T. Brown
OAK QB R. Mirer 5 yard rush to the 2 (Crockett TD)
CAR QB J. Delhomme 8 yards pass to WR M. Muhammad to the 1 (Delhomme TD)
WAS QB P. Ramsey 6 yard pass to WR P. Johnson to the 2
WAS RB R. Cartwright minus 2 yard rush to the 4 (Ramsey to McCants TD)
SEA RB S. Alexander 1 yard rush to the 4 (Hasselbeck TD)
NE QB T. Brady 57 yard pass to WR D. Givens to the 5 (Smith TD)
PIT QB T. Maddox 8 yard pass to WR A. Randle El to the 3 (Bettis TD)
CLE RB J. Jackson 1 yard rush to the 3
CLE RB J. Jackson 2 yard rush to the 1 (Holcomb to Northcutt TD)
CLE QB K. Holcomb 30 yard pass to WR A. Davis to the 4 (Jackson TD)
CLE QB K. Holcomb 13 yards pass to TE K. Heinrich to the 4 (Jackson TD)
STL RB L. Gordon 4 yard rush to the 4 (Bulger to Holt TD)
STL RB M. Faulk 6 yard rush to the 4 (Bulger to Manumaleuna TD)
PHI QB D. McNabb 9 yard pass to RB B. Westbrook to the 1 (Buckhalter TD)
NYG RB T. Barber 13 yard rush to the 1
NYG RB D. Levens rush for no gain to the 1
NYG RB D. Levens rush for no gain to the 1
NYG RB T. Barber minus 2 yard rush to the 3
IND QB P. Manning 15 yard pass to WR R. Wayne to the 2 (James TD)
TB RB M. Pittman rush for no gain to the 3 (Johnson to McCardell TD)
GB RB N. Davenport 7 yard rush to the 4
GB RB T. Fisher 3 yard rush to the 1 (Green TD)

Sometimes it's better to just not know...

That'll do it for today, Folks. Here's to Football.

Joe

Joe Bryant is an owner of www.footballguys.com You can usually find him on Sunday afternoon staring at the Sunday Ticket broadcast muttering "this is so cool..."

Thanks to Footballguys Bob Harris, Scott Springman and Alex Knapik for the help on this one.