Random Shots

I get the "Broadway" connection with the Jets and all but the Monday Night Football intro was unbearable. I vote for letting Jack Black do them all from here on out…

Note to Al Michaels: Greg Brady called and wants his tie back.

One of the cooler moments I've ever seen on a football field happened two Sundays ago in Green Bay. And it didn't involve a player. The National Anthem was sung by a young boy who is blind. Little guy looked to be about 10 years old and was decked out in full on Packers gear. Had his guide dog by his side. By the time he got to "land of the free" the applause was thunderous. Brett Favre, smiling from ear to ear, put his helmet on during the song so he could applaud.

After he finished, coach Mike Sherman walked over to the boy, bent down, shook his hand and said, "I'm Mike Sherman, coach of the Packers" The boy couldn't have been any more startled if they'd told him President Bush was standing in front of him. He excitedly said, "Mike Sherman? It's an honor to meet you!".

Sherman's a better man than me because I wouldn't have been able to say anything there. The coach was cool though and said, "It's an honor to meet you too. I want you to know the guys are all excited about what you sang there."

The kid didn't hesitate one second and said, "Go Pack". Un frickin believable.

Before Sunday's game, the Patriots had not won a single Coin toss (Including overtimes) in 11 games. Because I know you guys want that cutting edge information…

With Detron Smith and James Mungro injured, the Colts were missing big parts of their goal line package Sunday. "We didn't have the goal-line offense," Manning said. "Everybody was in street clothes over there (on the sideline)."

New England's Bethel Johnson is Looney Tunes fast. My alma mater, Texas A&M, may not have much of a football team this year, but they can boast two of the NFL's best kick returners in Johnson and Dante Hall. So at least we have that going for us…

Quick scores for Sunday: Peyton Manning put up two touchdowns on New England in the span of 66 seconds. And Baltimore scored two touchdowns in the span of 17 seconds. Has this always happened and I'm just noticing more now?

"I've got the 'Skim Milk' Game ... two percent of the country.''--CBS Sports color man Jerry Glanville, commenting on the viewership for his Dec. 7 assignment, the San Diego-Detroit game.

Oakland's Rick Mirer finished Sunday's game with a quarterback rating of 59.4. The world is starting to make sense again…

I happened to be visiting family in Lexington, Kentucky over Thanksgiving. But standing outside Thursday afternoon, I think I heard the Roy Williams - Ricky Williams collision in Dallas.

Keyshawn Johnson doesn't seem to be missed by the fans. Sign in the crowd said, "Give me the damn pink slip".

Eagle fullback Jon Ritchie says he likes all his running backs. "We can run the same play whether it's Buck, Duce or Brian and it's all the same to me. Because I don't have a camera in my butt."

Tennessee's Eddie George holds the dubious NFL record of having 2,569 consecutive carries without a run over 40 yards.

Granted, he's having a great season and he's no doubt a tough guy, but listening to the media, Steve McNair is apparently the World's Toughest Man for playing with a calf strain. Have we forgotten that Travis Henry is playing every week with a fractured fibula?

How do you leave the Bengals Chad Johnson uncovered on 2nd and goal from the 4?

I'm sorry if I misled folks the other day saying I was giddy about the Lady Vols college basketball season starting. I feel bad as I received a lot of mail from folks who were finally "coming out" and admitting they liked Women's NCAA basketball. Figured I better "come clean": I was just joking. Truth is, if given the choice of courtside seats at the Women's Final Four or the worst thing that NFL Films runs all year, it's me and John Facenda. In a landslide.

Speaking of Facenda, I was reminded yesterday of one of his all time classic lines: "It starts with a whistle and ends with a gun." John Facenda was the Man. Did you know that Mr. Facenda (yeah, that's "mister" to me and you) used to do the commercials for I Love Lucy? I didn't know that.

How'd I miss the memo that Phyllis George was filling in for Leslie Visser?

All you need to know about the Giants Sunday: Buffalo's Travis Henry had more rushing attempts (26) than the Giants had rushing yards (24).

You think the Rams' Leonard Little was ready to return after missing a month with a pectoral muscle injury? He rolled up four sacks.

I love LaDainian Tomlinson but he got off to a slow start last week. Until he ripped off a 55 yard run in the third quarter, he was being outgained on the ground by Doug Flutie…

Speaking of San Diego, there was a Drew Brees sighting in the second half. While he didn't enter the game, it looked like he was expecting to. He wasn't holding the clipboard and had his helmet on looking ready to go.

Writing this thing each week, I sort of feel like I get to know our readers. Have you ever met someone that you've only communicated by email with and found they talk a lot different than they write? I have. Our Flashupdate Guru Bob Harris says I sound just like Chad Pennington. Listening to a radio thing I did the other day, I think he's probably right. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Although I still say I'll let Willem Defoe read the audio version of Random Shots if it ever comes to that…

Atlanta has gone into halftime leading in 6 of it's games. And lost every one.

The Rams' Marc Bulger finished with 222 passing yards while completing 75% of his passes. An early incompletion drew some disapproval from the crowd that apparently didn't sit well with tackle Kyle Turley. During the post game interview while ESPN's Ed Werder was talking to Bulger, Turley stepped in and put his arm around Bulger: "This is our quarterback, Marc Bulger. Did you see him? SHUT UP.". His guitar thing on Monday Night was bad but I like Turley.

Cincinnati's Kelley Washington is living up to my hype. For the second week in a row, he scored. Granted, both scores were on broken coverage but my league doesn't deduct for that.

ESPN's Tom Jackson summed up the Philadelphia wide receiving corps Sunday: "They're NOT GOOD". I like TJ. He gets right to the point.

Eagle TE Chad Lewis made a heady play this week. As Philadelphia was driving down the field protecting a lead, Lewis made a 29 yard reception and before his momentum could take him out of bounds, he dropped to his knees so the clock kept running. It's the little things.

I glanced over when Bobby Shaw scored his touchdown Sunday and I thought it was Chris Rock…

Talk about quick strikes: St. Louis had two one play touchdown drives against Minnesota.

I finally succumbed to the 500 ads an hour for ABC's "Line of Fire". I was unimpressed. The mob boss reminds of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. Although it was really great how the FBI recruit nearly drowned on her first attempt into the swimming pool but instantly learned to swim on the very next try. Apparently, she just tried really hard…

All you need to know about San Francisco: Tight end Jed Weaver led the team in receptions. With four.

Get ready for the most watched Super Bowl half time in history. Dodge is sponsoring the "Lingerie Bowl" featuring skimpily clad female models in a 7 on 7 tackle football game. I don't make this stuff up.

They're installing new turf at the Georgia Dome and recently the Falcons offered "very important Falcon fans" a special discount on 5" by 7" pieces of the turf enclosed in a "beautiful" clear case for the incredible price of only $15! I know it's just fifteen bucks but is there a less nostalgic field in the NFL than the Georgia Dome? (Cardinal fans be quiet). I think I'd wait until they won a few games before pushing this too hard. I mean, really.

You could tell Carolina kicker John Kasay had a tough day. One of the loudest cheers of the day came when he converted an extra point.

Pittsburgh's Hines Ward is one tough guy. He injured his ribs on a play in the 4th quarter but stayed in the game. He scored a touchdown on the next play untouched but had to be helped over to the sidelines.

The Baseball vs Football debate is a lively Random Shots topic. I'll stay out of it this week and instead point you toward a fun article from ESPN's Page 2.

Most disturbing image of the week that is unfortunately burned into my brain. (The faint of heart should stop right now. Seriously). There was a Sasquatch looking guy in the stands at Green Bay with no shirt on. He was hairy enough to shave Brett Favre's jersey out of his chest and back hair. Sporting the #4 plus "FAVRE" on the back. I still can't shake it…

On a more subtle note (like it'd be hard to not be more subtle than that): Did you notice the Packers wore the Throwback uniforms on Thanksgiving? They were from the 1967 season. The differences were three green stripes on the sleeves instead of two. The jersey necks were a little different too. The pants were lace up instead of zip up. And the helmets had gray facemasks instead of the current green. Just thought you'd want to know.

One reason not to gamble on football: The Chargers entered Sunday's game as 7 point underdogs. With the last second TD pass from Doug Flutie to Antonio Gates, San Diego covered the spread as the time clock expired…

When asked about the soft pass defense, coach Dick Vermeil said they were in a "Prevent - Prevent". When pressed for details on this "Prevent - Prevent", Vermeil said it was "looser than loose." Yessir.

Before the Jets - Titans game Monday night, New York coach Herm Edwards made demanded a win. Said Curtis Martin: "Herman made it clear that we would not leave this stadium until we were 5-7"

Coach Jim Fassel summed it up: "We do not play the game of football very well."

I'm not a Patriots fan primarily because they seem to have some of the whiniest supporters in America both in the media and just regular fans. But you have to give credit where it's due. That was an awesome goal line stand Sunday to stuff the Colts. Hindsight is of course 20-20 but how wide open was the bootleg for Manning if he'd gone around the left side? He didn't though and the Patriots earned a great win.

Earlier this month, USA Today ran its NFL midseason package featuring four capsules of information about rookies to watch, including Cardinal wide receiver Anquan Boldin. One of the information categories was the player's "secret ambition." Green Bay linebacker Nick Barnett talked about getting into the music industry. Minnesota defensive end Kevin Williams talked about being a professional basketball player. Dallas cornerback Terence Newman said he wanted to be Jennifer Lopez's husband. This was Boldin's answer: "To turn our organization around and make people believe we're winners." That doesn't sound a rookie NFL player to me.

Minnesota's Mike Tice was understandably a little irritable at the post game press conference. When asked a question about what specifically a certain player was doing on one play, he responded in that Rocky Balboa voice, "I'm trying to watch 22 frickin' guys out there, all right?"

On the flip side, Mike Martz was all smiles. "I gotta hurry home so I can hear him say, 'Marshall, Marshall, Marshall' on Sports Center."

It's not my style to say "I told you so", but four days after I suggested the referees need to wear protective gear, line judge Carl Johnson received a concussion during the Ravens' celebration of Ray Lewis' TD.

If I'm Moe Williams and Dante Culpepper, I'd be ashamed to have an old guy like Aeneas Williams out run me in a 90 yard dash for the touchdown.

Note to Donovan McNabb, we remember that everyone was down on you and your team early. It's ok to say 5 words without mentioning that…

With every loss, Dennis Erickson's hair gets a little mussier and he starts looking more and more like Andy Warhol.

Until last Sunday, the Rams hadn't blocked a punt in seven years…

Cincinnati's Jon Kitna had this to say when Sports Illustrated's Peter King asked him how he was handling what could be an awkward situation with 1st round selection Carson Palmer: "First of all, our relationship is awesome. We room together on the road. He's loose, and he doesn't take things too seriously. I'm an analytical guy, and I sometimes get too serious. He's really good for me to have around because I don't stay very serious around him. Hey, he's a great kid. I know he'll be a good player in this league, and someday I'll be watching him do great things."

Does it bother anyone else that while the Chiefs are 11-1, every team they play seems to have a shot at beating them? I know all about parity and all that but they just don't seem dominant. Maybe they're pacing themselves…

I'll tell you someone who is dominant: Deuce McAllister. With nine consecutive 100 yard rushing games, he's made it look easy.

Tampa Bay's Keenan McCardell hit a nice milestone Sunday night with his 700th reception. He kept it in perspective though: "It's just a number. Besides, I need 800 more to catch the guy at #1…"

It's tough to blame the Giants season totally on Jim Fassel. They just placed their 6th starter in Injured Reserve.

The Cleveland quarterback situation that revolves over and over reminds me of the movie Groundhog Day.

I guess it's pretty safe to say that with all the preseason worry, Priest Holmes' hip is ok…

He hasn't been very effective lately, but it's tough to argue that Drew Bledsoe isn't a tough guy. He suffered a concussion Sunday but hung in for a little bit. He said that everything he saw was "yellow". I've not heard that one before.

I love when an ad is set up. Sprint has been running the ad where the Sprint guy explains the new deal to the sorority girls and they just start squealing and screaming until the windows shatter. Sunday, Sprint started running a similar ad where the same guy explains the same deal to the fraternity guys. And they start squealing and screaming until the windows shatter. Classic.

One of the joys of Sunday Ticket is getting to see lots of things live. During the San Diego game, Bonnie Bernstein reported that Marty Schottenheimer was so disgusted he threw his head set down and smashed it to pieces late in the game…

I'm not sure if it's the thumb or the birthday candles but Brett Favre doesn't look right. I mentioned that he got away with the interceptions in week 12. They caught up to him on Thanksgiving though.

Good to have Mike Vick back. "I told you I wasn't going to come back and be scared".

Interesting bit of information from ESPN's Len Pasquarelli: The defeat by the Giants represents the first four-game losing streak of Jim Fassel's career. He had been the lone active coach without such a skid.

Washington's Chad Morton returned a kick 94 yards for a TD Sunday. I lost track when counting but I think it took him around 936 steps to cover those 94 yards…

Marshall Faulk, didn't just run by the Minnesota defense, he also blew past Jim Brown and Walter Payton on the career touchdown list. Faulk now has 127. If you're counting, Jerry Rice is sitting on 204…

One of my favorite scenes in one of my favorite movies is Bill Murray in Stripes when Sergeant Hulka returns. Murray hears Hulka's voice and says, "It…is…alive." I think that when I see the Bears still hanging around.

I'm always talking about the Sports Illustrated jinx and the Madden video game jinx. Apparently, there might be a little bit of jinx factor with these Random Shots. Last week, I mentioned that Peyton Manning never is injured. I instantly had several readers email me I shouldn't say things like that. A few hours later, Manning was having an MRI taken of his elbow…

It was a cool week for busting up racial stereotypes. Green Bay's Sylvester Croom became the first black head coach in SEC history and Brock Forsey became the first white tail back to do much in a long time. For the zillionth time, color doesn't matter.

Every time I see those great Washington throwback uniforms, I expect to see Bobby Bowden on the sidelines.

Good picture of why players love Dick Vermeil. Linebacker Monty Beisel was hurt Sunday. Vermeil not only was on the field to see how he was, but he was one of the two guys that helped Beisel to the sidelines. You don't often see a linebacker hobbling with his arm around his head coach's shoulder being helped off the field.

Here's where a veteran helps. With the clock ticking down, San Diego center Jason Ball was injured and struggling to get to the sidelines. Flutie jumped over to him and told him to fall down so the clock would stop for an injury timeout.

Talk about a buzzkill. You know Tony Dungy would love to have that decision back in kicking deep to Bethel Johnson right before the half. He said as much going into the locker room calling it a "dumb" decision on his part. Indy had all the momentum swinging their way and Johnson took the air right out of their sails.

For what it's worth, Mike Ditka said on the NFL Network that New England's Willie McGinnest was faking his injury so the team could regroup with a time out at the end of the game. McGinnest made the game saving tackle a couple of plays later.

Matt and Tim Hasselbeck prove that Male Pattern Baldness is indeed genetic…

Seriously, depending on what Patrick Ramsey does and where Eli Manning is drafted, it's not inconceivable that at some point in the very near future, 13% of the of the NFL's starting quarterbacks are brothers. I'm sure there's a Stuart Scott phrase joke in there somewhere…

Curtis Martin scored a touchdown Monday Night. Unfortunately, that's big news.

Tom Jackson and the Sunday Countdown guys were bemoaning the fact that defensive players today seem to have lost the fundamental skills of sound tackling and wrapping up. They complained that all players today just want to do is go for the "big hit" and make the highlight reels. Like Tom Jackson's "Jacked Up"…

Regular Random Shots readers know I'm not a big fan of Monday Night Football's Lisa Guerrero. From a recent interview she described her normal day as: "In the morning, I reach for the sports page. I fight my boyfriend for it, but I usually end up getting it. On my morning run, I listen to sports talk radio. I get back from my run and turn on Sports Center, then I do my research preparing for football season, and at night I go to games."

When asked if her "sex appeal" undermined her ability as a "journalist" (quotations mine) she said: "I'm 39 years old, for some 18-year-old college kid to come up to me and say, "Lisa G, you're hot!" -- I take that as a compliment!"

I'm not sayin' a thing there.

ESPN's Lisa Salters did a feature with Titans linebacker Keith Bullock. Did you see that Bullock said he didn't want to watch the horror movie "It" by himself? But like Derrick Brooks getting the manicure the other day, who's going to make fun of him?

I'm not much for those types of shows and honestly, I couldn't care less about the teaser 60 minutes ran hyping "See Mike Wallace make Lawrence Taylor cry". That's so lame.

I've always loved Miami's logo with the dolphin wearing the helmet. But why does the little dolphin's helmet have just a plain "M" on it? Shouldn't the helmet on the dolphin logo look like Miami's real helmet? Which sports the logo of the dolphin with the helmet. It could be an Escher like dolphin on the helmet to infinity thing. I think I do need help.

Continuing the "fat Muhammad Ali gasping for breath on the stool" image, Emmitt Smith made his return Sunday with 1 carry for negative three yards. Ouch.

I've never doubted his on the field greatness. And the pre game introduction "dance" thing is still embarrassing. But I like Ray Lewis more than I used to. I feel like the Godfather saying that…

There's a little unrest in Dallas this week. Derek Ross fumbled twice Thursday and was cut. His locker was cleaned out and reporters said his clothes and shoes were in a nearby trashcan. I predict zero Cowboy fumbles Sunday.

There was a hilarious moment in the Jets huddle Monday night. 6' 7" / 304 pound tackle Jason Fabini was fired up as Chad Pennington gathered the offense. Pennington knelt down on one knee to call the play and Fabini head butted the quarterback. Pennington went sprawling and had to call timeout. He was laughing about it at the press conference later.

Hard Luck Awards:

GB RB N. Davenport 4 yard run to the 5 (Favre to Franks TD)
NE QB T. Brady 3 yard pass to WR D. Givens to the 4 (Cloud TD)
NE QB T. Brady pass for no gain to G J. Andruzzi from the 1 (Cloud TD)
IND RB E. James 1 yard rush to the 1
IND RB E. James rush for no gain from the 1
IND RB E. James rush for minus 1 yard to the 2
CHI QB K. Stewart 57 yard pass to WR J. Gage to the 2 (Stewart to Booker TD)
CHI QB K. Stewart 33 yard TD pass to WR J. Gage nullified by penalty
CIN QB. J. Kitna 19 yard pass to WR P. Warrick to the 4
CIN RB C. Dillon rush for no gain from the 4 (Kitna to Johnson TD)
WAS QB. T. Hasselbeck 21 yard pass to WR L. Coles to the 4
WAS RB T. Canidate 2 yard rush to the 2 (Cartwright TD)
KC QB T. Green 8 yard pass to RB D. Blaylock to the 2 (Holmes TD)
TB QB B. Johnson 9 yard pass to WR. K. McCardell to the 5 (Jones TD)
MIA RB R. Williams 9 yard rush to the 3
MIA RB R. Williams 2 yard rush to the 1
MIA RB R. Williams rush for no gain from the 1 (Fiedler TD)
PHI QB D. McNabb 8 yard pass to WR J. Thrash to the 2 (Staley TD)
STL RB M. Faulk 23 yard TD nullified by penalty (Wilkins FG)
STL RB M. Faulk 4 yard rush to the 4 (Bulger to Bruce TD)
MIN QB D. Culpepper 6 yard pass to TE J. Kleinsasser to the 1 (Williams TD)
SEA QB M. Hasselbeck 32 yard pass to WR K. Robinson to the 2 (Hasselbeck to Mili TD)
SEA FB M. Strong 7 yard rush to the 3 (Hasselbeck to Jackson TD)
SEA QB M. Hasselbeck 15 yard pass to TE J. Stevens to the 3 (Alexander TD)
DEN RB C. Portis 4 yard rush to the 4 (Plummer to Sharpe TD)
DEN RB R. Droughns 12 yard rush to the 1 (Portis TD)

Sometimes it's better to just not know…

That'll do it for today. Here's to Football.

Joe

Thanks to friends Mike Anderson, Bob Harris, Tyler Chastain for the help on this one.