Here's what happens when you sit an NFL Junkie down in front of multiple big screens with Sunday Ticket and fresh batteries in the remote...

I love ESPN's Monday Countdown show but why didn't anyone tell me they were replacing Stuart Scott with Urkel?

The Texans offensive line was supposed to be a weak spot. They kept QB David Carr sack free and paved the way for 127 yards total rushing (compared to Ricky Williams and the Dolphins posting just 86) Nice.

I don't know what they're paying Titan Punter Craig Hentrich, but after booting three clutch field goals replacing the injured Joe Nedney, I doubt it's enough.

Yes, Curtis Martin owners, Herm Edwards really does hate you.

I don't know why but I felt kind of sorry for Kordell Stewart Sunday. Note to Bears fans: Walk away from the ledge...

I miss Melissa Stark...

As much as I hate to say it, I think we may have seen the last of an effective Kurt Warner.

Did you see Courtney Sparks, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader do a great job singing the National Anthem? Sweet

But nobody does the "beautiful girl in a football jersey singing the Star Spangled Banner" better than the Titans. Of course it helps being in Nashville. You may remember Faith Hill a few years back. Sunday night, LeAnn Rimes did an awesome job. They also had the Challenger Bald Eagle that flies into the stadium and lands on the trainer's hand. If that didn't get you fired up for the season, you should stop reading right here because you and I don't have enough in common for this thing to work.

While I'm on the National Anthem topic, I'd ten to one rather see a Firefighter in Cincinnati pour his heart into the song as opposed to some bloated has been pop star try to lip synch it. Some of those Sunday efforts were embarrassing.

I know it's tough to fill the empty air time. But seriously, do we really need Monday Night Football's Lisa Guerrero, Al Michaels and John Madden talking for five minutes about how much the Tampa center's butt sweats?

The Thursday night opening music thing was sort of interesting. I need to hire Tony Siragusa's agent. Any guy that can get Siragusa lumped in the group of Joe Namath, Darrell Green, Warren Moon, and Marcus Allen is doing a good job...

Classic John Madden line replying to Al Michaels saying Laveranues Coles has to be juiced for the game against the Jets: "Oh Laveranues Coles is a lot juiced". I know it's the hip thing to make fun of John Madden but I love the big guy.

Laveranues Coles made it pretty clear where he stood with his Alma Mater Florida State who dismissed him after the infamous Dillards shopping incident with Peter Warrick. While all the other players stated what college they were from, Coles simply said, "Laveranues Coles. Jacksonville Ribault High School" I thought it was pretty funny.

Speaking of college football, would Jim Brown just please shut up about Ohio State's Maurice Clarett? Brown likened the current NCAA system to "slavery". I agree with Arsenio Hall on Fox's Show when he said something along the lines of "I know a lady who knew people who actually were slaves picking cotton in Alabama. You tell her what Maurice Clarett is doing is "slavery" and she'd kick your a**"

John Hall's first official FG in a Redskins uniform was for 50 yards. Good start.

Jim Kelly, Drew Bledsoe, Steve McNair and Patrick Ramsey were all born on February 14. Any of you folks out there hoping for future NFL QB sons, block off the week around the middle of May...

I'll admit it, I thought Rush Limbaugh was better than I expected him to be. The "Rush Challenge" thing was cheesy but I thought he did a good job.

Even more surprising to me, I didn't hate Michael Irvin. Through no fault of his, I was already mad at him because I loved Sterling Sharpe. While I didn't agree with much of it, he made his points.

The funniest thing about both Limbaugh and Irvin though was the "Suicide Pool" thing among the ESPN Guys. You pick just one team per week to win. That's it. The trick is that you can only use a team one time. Both Irvin and Limbaugh pulled the lame move of picking the sure thing lock of the week on opening weekend...Dolphins over the Texans.

I wonder why Emmitt Smith likes the "E. Smith" on his jersey? Must be a superstitious thing as there aren't any other Smiths on the Arizona roster. But even if there were, I think everyone pretty much knows that 22 is Emmitt don't they?

Tom Jackson is my favorite ESPN guy. He made an excellent point on Doug Johnson when he pointed out Dan Reeves' track record of producing with backup QBs.

Some of you attorneys out there may want to look into this but I'm sure there's something in the "good of the league" clause that gives the commissioner some sort of recourse to do something about Jerry Rice's hair...

Thank you Michael Irvin for being honest and saying what we all suspected: On Jeremy Shockey's swagger - "That's what we teach at Miami in Marketing 101"

I can't remember a game with a more surreal start than the Bills introducing Lawyer Milloy last before the Patriots game. Milloy didn't even know the name of many of his teammates and had to yell their numbers instead as he was getting them ready to play on the sidelines shouting "You got to want it!" I also thought it was interesting on the ESPN set that the former players all said New England would come out flat because of the Milloy incident and Rush Limbaugh was emphatic that New England would be fine and these were all professionals and they wouldn't skip a beat.

Did I hear it right that until this past Sunday, Arizona had failed to score a TD on its opening drive in the past 95 games? Sheesh.

Arizona's Leonard Davis had a thirteen pound cast on his right hand. It looked like a gigantic Q-Tip the size of a basketball.

I love Lions Fullback Cory Schlesinger. He made a great tackle on kickoff coverage.

Defensive Tackle Sam Adams had a nice little Touchdown pose after the interception. If it looked like he'd been there before, it was because he had. It was Adams' second career TD interception return.

Marvin Lewis or not, the new Cincinnati looked a lot like the old Bengals to me.

Speaking of Cincinnati, who was the genius that decided to break out the black jerseys and black pants on the 80 degree 1 pm start? That's inexcusable. Not to mention, the black on black and orange combo is the ugliest uniform this side of Oregon.

Green Bay Packers Cheerleaders with a tongue ring. Wonder what St. Vince would've thought of that?...

Anyone else get the feeling that Jim Nance just couldn't wait to get to that US Open Tennis coverage?

Rodney Peete. That didn't take long.

Randy Moss has always been incredible but now he's getting scary. Because I think he's starting to realize just how good he can be. Did you notice on the TD that was nullified, he absolutely toyed with cornerback Mike McKenzie who's a solid defender. Moss was on the right sideline looking over his left shoulder. McKenzie was focused on Moss. The ball was inches away from McKenzie's helmet and Moss still had his hands down at his sides. At the last instant, he plucked the ball out of the air and McKenzie never knew what happened. It was a style and flair move not unlike a Willie Mays basket catch. Look out.

Note to Defensive Coordinators, it may be just me over reacting a little but I think it's probably a bad idea for you to leave Terrell Owens and Randy Moss in single coverage.

What a day for rookie WR Anquan Boldin. At 6' 1" and 216, he looks to be a special athlete. He's also a converted QB and I didn't know that.

Watching Kelly Holcomb Sunday I thought to myself I'm glad that Tim Couch didn't turn in that performance or the fans would have gone crazy.

New Carolina QB Jake Delhomme gave the team a great spark. He did make one bad pass though that prompted Beasley Reece to say, "He had, like a fit. He lost his mind". I love these guys when they just say what they think.

Most Improved Player Award went to Joey Harrington in Detroit. Last year, he looked like the typical wide eyed rookie QB. Sunday, he was calmly checking down to his fourth receiver before throwing the TD to Schlesinger.

I don't remember a year where several different teams all had rookie WRs as their # 1 guy. With Arizona, Detroit and Houston, I think that's the case. Be careful though as I'm hearing "Randy Moss Rookie Year" being thrown around way too much. With Moss, you can throw history, (both before and after) out the window.

The hardest hit Panther WR Ricky Proehl took all day was when teammate Muhsin Muhammad leveled him celebrating the game winning TD...

Hindsight is 20-20 but really, why did Mike Martz go for it on 4th and 12 when he could have kicked the 45 yard FG he needed?

Weird scene was Arthur Blank, the Falcons owner, pushing Mike Vick along the sidelines in his wheelchair.

Bold prediction for next week's Philadelphia - New England game. Both teams will score their first points of the 2003 season.

It's just one game, but I'm very much liking the Dennis Erickson influence on Terrell Owens.

Was Carson Palmer doing the Jedi Mind Trick thing on Jon Kitna from the sidelines? He certainly looked bad Sunday.

Bronco QB Jake Plummer was bad enough to make people almost wish for Brian Griese. Almost. You think he'll get better? I sort of do.

If Jeff Garcia's back is ok after the hit Brian Urlacher put on him, I think he's as good to go as he's going to get.

The head coach position is stressful enough as it is. Close games add to it. Butch Davis takes the cake though as the announcers said Sunday that 21 of his last 34 games have been decided in the last 60 seconds of play. That's great for TV but brutal on Davis (and Browns fans)

Question to Dave Wannstedt: Seat feeling warm yet?

I'm not a mean spirited person but I'll admit I get some strange satisfaction from watching Brian Billick lose.

Yeah, it's just one game and I doubt the '72 Dolphins are panicked. But I'm not sure the question is so much "Who's going to beat Tampa Bay?" as it is "Who's going to score on Tampa Bay?"

A great strategist always looks 3 moves ahead. Anyone else see Bill Parcells already looking at 2004? QB Quincy Carter's looking an awful lot like the proverbial sacrificial lamb in this scenario to me...

Don't be so quick to label the Colts as "Dungified". Reality is that Manning threw the ball 43 times Sunday. In fact, they threw 3 consecutive passes inside the 5 yard line.

How does Miami's Jason Taylor go the entire game without a tackle?

Good thing that "idiot kicker" was around to win the game for the Colts Sunday.

I tire very quickly of Chris Berman these days but his "Johnnie Morton salts away a TD" line was very good.

ESPN's Chris Mortensen reported that Baltimore's Ray Lewis and Pittsburgh's Joey Porter nearly came to blows near the Raven's bus after the game. I don't think I'd want to be between those two...

The only time New England kicker Adam Vinetieri saw the field was for the opening kickoff...

Quote of the week from Kansas City kicker Morten Andersen after Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt (who is 71) was needling Andersen about his age: "I find it ironic that Lamar Hunt talks to me about age. I mean the guy had lunch with Alexander the Great".

Bill Parcells returns to New York this week to face the Giants. I don't have really anything to say about that but apparently every NFL article this week is mandated to mention it...

I'm not sure I'm up for the Los Angeles Colts.

Like most folks, it bugs me when athletes decide they no longer want to honor the contracts they signed and want to renegotiate for bigger money. But I think the same thing about teams that decide they want to force a player to take less money than what they agreed to pay him. Make a deal and stick to it. I've little sympathy for New England in the Lawyer Milloy situation.

Does the Rams 2003 season seem eerily like the Rams 2002 season to you?

And we'll close this week's issue in prayer from our Stompin' Tom Connors of the Footballguys.com Message boards. He offers advice for you guys with Washington players on your rosters: "Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change -- such as Spurrier's penchant to go with the hot hand at a moment's notice, no matter how good or badly a player has performed just previously -- the courage to change things I can -- like trading Betts while others believe he has upside -- and the wisdom to know that it will be a RBBC in Washington, with no one back holding tremendous advantage or upside over another."

That'll do it for this week. Here's to Football...

Joe

Joe Bryant is an owner of www.footballguys.com You can usually find him on Sunday afternoon staring at the Sunday Ticket broadcast muttering "this is so cool..."