Here's what happens when you sit an NFL Junkie down in front of multiple big screens with Sunday Ticket and fresh batteries in the remote...

Emmitt Smith looked great Sunday providing veteran leadership to his new team as they surged past Green Bay. I knew he made the right choice in not retiring...

Detroit gave us all some hope Sunday as they looked to be committed to the running game. They gained 46 yards in the first quarter. And finished with 77 yards rushing for the entire game...

Backup QB Gus Frerotte threw 72 yard passes to both Randy Moss and Kelly Campbell. I bet he couldn't do that again if he tried.

Question for the Grammar Experts: When writing that a team looked different in each half, do you say "Tale of two halves" or "Tale of two halfs"? I bowed to Dickens and said "halves" in the game recap this week but neither one looked right.

Great quote from Indianapolis Colt Reggie Wayne who caught two touchdowns. "The crowd was chanting 'Reg-gie, Reg-gie' and some of the guys said they were looking around to see if (Indiana Pacer) Reggie Miller had walked into the stadium..."

I can't tell you how much I miss Melissa Stark.

One of my favorite Terrell Owens lines is when he asked last year to describe himself in one word. He said "Confident". When asked for another word, he said, "Very". Funny but that's pretty much what it takes at this level. Says Tampa coach Jon Gruden when asked about Thomas Jones' fumble: "If you're fragile now and you lose your confidence, this is no league for you," Gruden said. "I don't expect that to be a problem for him. He does know, however, he won't carry the ball here if that persists, if that's a problem."

Stuart Scott hit the nail on the head Monday night when he asked the rhetorical question, "Why is Sebastian Janikowski playing after he was arrested Saturday night?" Right about then they showed Janikowski booting a 57 yard field goal warming up in Denver. That's why.

Something I didn't understand Sunday: Seattle was on the 3 yard line in a passing set. Koren Robinson was obviously the prime target yet Rams cornerback Jerametrius Butler gave him a 5 yard cushion. Butler was 2 yards in the end zone. Robinson turned to the inside and caught the easy touchdown.

Something else I didn't understand from the Rams. Rookie Arlen Harris fielded a punt on his own 5. You plant your feet on the 10 yard line. Anything over your head and you get out of the way.

I love Jerry Rice but he's starting to scare the kids. I was watching the game out of the corner of my eye and thought it was one of those Raider fans wearing a Predator costume with Rice's jersey. Please Mr. Rice, go back to the shaved look.

The Philadelphia Eagles are averaging 5 points per game. Is that right?

Warren Sapp's Beyonce celebration prompted ESPN's Dan Patrick to drag up some of the worst celebration moments. You'll remember Gus Frerotte headbutting the wall and injuring himself, Bill Gramatica leaping for joy and wrecking his knee, Coy Detmer doing something I'm unable to describe and Matt Hasselbeck leaping into what should have been his teammates arms but instead was just air as he came crashing down face first into the turf. Evidently, there's something about white guys and celebrations gone bad.

Speaking of Sapp's dance, Dan Lebatard on ESPN said he'd rather watch three hours of Sapp doing his dance than three minutes of the Buccaneer offense. I bet he wishes he hadn't said that...

Forget the dancing, how in the world does no one guard Warren Sapp? Everyone in the league knew Jon Gruden said he'd use him at TE. Seriously, does nobody notice when Sapp wearing # 99 reports to the ref and lines up at tight end?

One more Sapp line. He officially lists his hobbies as "swimming".

I can't make up my mind on this one - Is Kansas City's Trent Green just doing what the system is asking him to do or is he really just not all that good?

Are the Emmy's over yet? 30 seconds of that and I remembered why I don't watch any non-sports TV.

Brett Favre is 12-18 when the starting game time temperature is above 70. Can someone explain that to me?

Thinking about all time Busts the other day (no, the other kind of bust) and of course, Lawrence Phillips came to mind. Then Ron Dayne. And it occurred to me that the primary difference between the two was that Phillips had talent.

I think I saw legendary Blues Man Robert Johnson on the sidelines of the Raider game. The story goes of course that Johnson made a deal with the Devil to give him fame and fortune. Looks to me like it's time for the Raiders to pay up on whatever deal they made...

Oakland just simply has no team speed on offense. With Jerry Porter out, Charlie Garner is the only guy remotely scary and he's more quick than fast. If you've seen the movie Secondhand Lions where Robert Duval and Michael Caine buy an old worn out lion from the circus, that's what the Raiders remind me of now.

For the second week in a row, the Bills screwed up a trick play. This time it cost them as running back Travis Henry threw an ugly interception. You're on Miami's 13 yard line. Drew Bledsoe is your quarterback. And Travis Henry is the guy you want throwing the ball?

I understand the rules on the defensive holding call against the Rams but I think that's a bogus rule. If you saw the replay, St. Louis defensive tackle Brian Young grabbed the lineman's jersey and instead of facing 4th and 8 from the 13, the Seahawks were given new life with 1st and goal from the 8 where they went on to win. Rams coach Mike Martz was cool about it saying it was a good call and what Young did was illegal. I'm not arguing that, I just think the rule is wrong.

Another good quote from Martz speaking of Lamar Gordon who wasn't feeling too well Sunday "He was throwing up on the sideline when we were going out on the field" in the fourth quarter. I was trying to tell him he was OK. He didn't look OK. He was re- painting the sideline over there."

I wrote last week that one of the more impressive plays in week 2 was Dallas rookie kick returner Zuriel Smith showing the patience to allow Matt Bryant's squib kick to roll out of bounds. Peter King writes in his column that Smith was familiar with playing well in Giants Stadium. As a college player, Smith once returned four punts for touchdowns in that stadium.

The first player to score on Tampa this season? Atlanta's QB Woody Dantzler...

Good to see Pittsburgh's Joey Porter back on the field ahead of schedule. Says Porter, "The doctors and trainers did a great job on me, and I pushed the envelope," Porter said after the game. "When they said walk, I jogged. When they said jog, I ran."

Tell me one more time why Jerome Bettis was benched for Amos Zereoue?...

Not sure I can remember a game where every star was shut down so completely as the Saints were Sunday. Aaron Brooks was 15 of 23 for 185 yards and 1 TD. Deuce McAllister rushed 11 times for 8 yards. Donte' Stallworth caught 2 passes for 20 yards and Joe Horn finished with 1catch for 5 yards. Good grief. Here's how bad it was for the Saints: Brooks was the leading rusher...with 15 yards.

"Luckily he had my back. I jumped up like the play was called for him and watched him run. I didn't know the big dude could run like that." Raven's RB Jamal Lewis on fullback Alan Ricard who recovered Lewis' fumble and ran for a score.

San Diego's place kicker Steve Christie lined up for a 51 yard field goal Sunday. Christie punted the ball instead. Haven't seen that in a while.

Don't look now but Fred Taylor is quietly having an excellent year. He finished Sunday with 126 yards on just 17 carries for a 7.4 yard per carry average.

After the above mentioned penalty gave them new life, the Seahawks went on to score a TD and win a thriller over the Rams. At the post game press conference, coach Mike Holmgren shuffled to the podium and opened with these words, "Never in doubt" The room cracked up.

All five starting 49er offensive lineman were listed on the injury report. And they all played.

Here's how bad the running back situation is for fantasy owners in San Francisco. Not only do Garrison Hearst and Kevan Barlow split time, Jeff Garcia was the leading rusher Sunday and coach Dennis Erickson decided that FB Fred Beasley should be the goal line guy.

This isn't NFL related, but the story is so cool I have to pass along. Hats off to San Jose State's Neil Parry. Parry suffered a badly broken right leg in October of 2000. Infection set in and his lower leg was amputated nine days later. From his hospital bed, he vowed to play football again. Last Saturday, 25 operations, and 15 prosthetic legs later, he raced down the field for San Jose State's punt coverage team. That is awesome.

The Giants are the new Cardiac Kids. Sheesh.

You have to like a coach that makes his intentions clear to his players. Here's Bill Parcells' instructions to QB Quincy Carter after Carter was named the starter: "From here on out, all I want you to do is practice, lift weights, look at film, eat the right food, get enough rest and prepare yourself to play football. That's the job. Other than that, you don't have anything to do. So you don't need to have a life except for that"

Parcells also seems to understand this isn't the easiest road for Carter when he said, "It's no life. No life at all. People think it's a glamorous life. He has the worst job in football."

Priest Holmes looks to me like he's intent on earning that big paycheck.

If David Boston is on your roster and there's an owner in your league even remotely intrigued after his 91 yard performance Sunday, do whatever is necessary to unload this guy.

Some things catch my eye that don't seem to matter to most folks. For me, Clinton Portis' most impressive move Monday night was at the end of one of his runs down the right sideline. He was going full speed and right when he stepped out of bounds, he planted both feet and just stopped like he was Velcro. Full speed to zero in a blink of an eye. I don't think people realize how far off the chart he is on the physical skills. Definitely in the freaky zone. Now keeping him healthy is another matter...

Quincy Carter has thrown for over 200 yards in his last 8 games. Troy Aikman never did that. That was hard for me to believe.

Peyton Manning's averaging 200 yards per game over the last three games. That's the lowest 3 game average he's ever had. It's also the first time the Colts have been 3-0 since he's been there...

New drinking game for you. Toss one back every time James Brown says the word "paydirt" when FOX breaks in for a highlight. You'd better be within walking distance of home...

File this under the "Better To Ask For Forgiveness Rather Than Permission" department: The Broncos "accidentally" only brought their white game jerseys to the heat of San Diego in week 2. The Chargers were forced to wear their dark jerseys which can mean a lot in that temperature. Coach Mike Shanahan was fined by the league.

Like everyone else, I love the Charger powder blue and yellow throwback uniforms. But do they ever win in those things?

I noticed Dave Wannstedt do this last year and I thought it was weird. Now Steve Mariucci did it Sunday. He showed up before the game early Sunday morning wearing a very sharp coat and tie. Maybe 50 people saw him. But when game time rolls around and he's in front of hundreds of thousands across the world, he's wearing a golf shirt...

Do not forget about running back Larry Johnson in Kansas City. You'll find no argument from me that Priest Holmes is the best back in the game but his offensive line is incredible and doesn't get near the credit it deserves. Half the RBs in the league would be 30% more productive behind that line. And Johnson is one injury away from the opportunity.

Dan Marino caught everyone's attention when he said that Cleveland's defense had a drug problem. "They get drug up the field and down the field"...

Chris McAlister. Now that was embarrassing.

I'm sure someone smart out there that can explain this to me, but how are bye weeks determined? Seems very unfair for the teams that have a break in week 3. Although I suppose you could make the argument that the Eagles needed it.

Jerry Rice wore No. 88 in college. I didn't know that.

The Chicago Tribune describes the Bears new stadium as "Klingon meets Parthenon" I have to agree with them. Pretty funky looking. I know they had to keep the columns but it really doesn't fit with the spaceship like styling. Maybe it'll grow on me.

The Chiefs are scoring in every way possible. For the second consecutive week, they scored on offense, on defense and on special teams.

With only a handful of Cardinals fans expected to be in the stands last Sunday, Steve Young suggested that Jeff Blake better whisper the plays in the huddle so the defense couldn't hear...

Anyone else cringe when Rush Limbaugh agreed with Michael Irvin and said, "Michael and I are bros on this one". You go, Rush. Get down with your bad self. Shizzle the Nizzle and all that...

In two games, the Eagles have called 107 passing plays vs just 21 rushing plays.

What did Chris Myers do to get demoted to the sideline reporter for FOX? I'm sure there's a story there.

Watching the refs huddle to sort out the Titan's forward pass/safety on the punt return mess. You know it was a wild play when none of the officials are wearing their caps...

Note to Doug Johnson. According to The Scott Mitchell Get Rich Backing Up The Starter One Year Plan, it's NEXT year, after you sign the big contract, that you can fall apart.

Speaking of Johnson, did you think he'd be better? Or that the Falcons would be better than they have been with Johnson under center? I did.

Rams coach Mike Martz made it pretty clear for Lamar Gordon as he steps in for the injured Marshall Faulk, "That's why he gets paid. It's his turn now."

"It can happen" - Michael Irvin's response to criticism aimed at the Redskins for trying to build a team around a wide receiver...

Most starting QBs who are forced to the sidelines with injury seem to stay in the game with a headset on. Almost like an extra coach. Chad Pennington is doing this. Have you noticed that Mike Vick doesn't seem to want any part of that? I saw him briefly in the coaches box upstairs but for the most part he just seems to be hanging out.

I hear ESPN talking about it's "hit" show, "Playmakers". Aren't we setting the bar a little low there in defining "hit"?

Old school smash mouth football fans had to love watching the Panthers block three kicks against Tampa. Looking more closely at the plays, there wasn't any fancy scheming or tricks. They just simply lined up and powered through the Buccaneer line.

Arizona's had twelve starting quarterbacks over the last 175 games. Green Bay's had one.

Browns quarterback Kelly Holcomb and Bills fullback Phillip Crosby both played Sunday with bone fractures in their legs. Both may play this week as well. Why don't you hear more about that? Donovan McNabb was anointed the world's toughest human for finishing the game last year with a fractured bone in his leg.

Koren Robinson is a regular at a fancy spa in Washington. He says, "I'm cool with my masculinity. I'm not ashamed to get a little pampering like the ladies do." Although he does have some requirements. "Make sure a female works on me. I come to the spa to take my mind off things. I don't need no man rubbin' me"

Good exchange between Miami's Jason Taylor and ESPN's Dan Patrick:

Patrick: People always talk about the Dolphins not playing well in November and December.

Taylor: That's funny. I always wonder why Sportscenter sucks so bad in September...

Hard Luck Awards. Last year, I called these the Corey Dillon Awards as it seemed like he just couldn't catch a break. Let's give it a week or two and we'll see who earns the honor this year. I also list the guy(s) that did score in parenthesis so you can see if you lucked out. Always good ammunition for rubbing it in. Not that we'd ever advocate that...

Joe

Joe Bryant is an owner of www.footballguys.com You can usually find him on Sunday afternoon staring at the Sunday Ticket broadcast muttering "this is so cool..."