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A Twisted Look at The NFL Every Week And All That Goes With It

Here's what happens when you sit an NFL Junkie down in front of multiple big screens with Sunday Ticket and fresh batteries in the remote...

Asked what the Titans have to do to beat the Jaguars this past weekend, Tennessee coach Jeff Fisher took a shot at the Jaguars recent locker room axe injury when he replied "just keep chopping wood". That's harsh.

I wonder if Terrell Owens really thought yelling at kicker Owen Pochman on the sidelines would help?

Although Owens had plenty of reason to be frustrated. Pochman missed two field goals. He must have been trying to "outdo" Cardinals kicker Tim Duncan who missed three field goals. Five combined misses in a game is pretty ugly. Although Duncan did make the game winner. After the game, coach Dave McGinnis was asked if he had any doubts Duncan would make the last kick. "Did you watch the rest of them?" McGinnis said, laughing. "Dang."

Steve Young called the Denver - Baltimore matchup a "fair fight". Bad quarterback Danny Kanell vs Kyle Boller. Great running back Clinton Portis vs Jamal Lewis. "Genius" coach Mike Shanahan vs ummmm...

I don't know about you, but I'm seriously considering that Sirius radio thing after the Pam Anderson commercial...

Chicago wide receivers Justin Gage and Bobby Wade made nice contributions Sunday. They were both seven years old when their quarterback, Chris Chandler broke into the league...

Bears cornerback Jerry Azumah had a busy start to the second half. He returned a punt 89 yards for a TD. And then a few minutes later intercepted a Joey Harrington pass.

If you saw the hit Sunday, you'll probably agree with me that Shawn Bryson is not in the "Brian Urlacher is Over Rated" camp.

We caught a fair amount of heat for ranking Domanick Davis highly among our RBs. I was sweating it early as he gained 3 yards on his first eight carries. Then he totaled 75 yards on his next four rushes. Speaking of Davis, you might have missed the play at the end of the first half. You know how coach Dom Capers hates fumbles. Davis fumbled with 1:04 left on the clock in the 2nd quarter. Indianapolis took the ball and scored. Houston took the kickoff and with :10 left, most assumed the Texans would take a knee. Instead, Capers called a running play for Davis to end the half. The average fan missed it but putting the ball in his hands there spoke volumes about Capers and Davis.

You probably saw Brian Billick whining and dropping the F bomb at the press conference. I was a little surprised he didn't have more discipline than to conduct himself that way representing the team. He says a "lot" of other coaches feel like he does. If they do, they certainly are keeping those feelings to themselves...

Here's something I think: Keyshawn Johnson, Warren Sapp, and Corey Dillon are all outstanding football players. They also have lost complete touch with reality.

Maybe Bill Parcells wasn't joking the last four weeks about his team not being that good...

Carolina wide receiver Steve Smith has quietly taken over as the primary guy there. He had another 100 yard game Sunday catching 9 passes. That may not sound like too big a deal until you realize the Panthers only completed 12 passes.

The over under on how many games Donovan McNabb can play without throwing a touchdown to his wide receiver is currently ten...

Yes, it's a very long shot. But you can now seriously ask the question whether Kansas City has a chance at 16-0. I'm pulling for them just so we can stop seeing the Dolphin guys with their champagne...

Todd Pinkston's 23 receiving yards for the Eagles were the third most he's had in a game this year. That's pretty much all you really need to know about his value.

Alex Van Pelt relieved a struggling Drew Bledsoe Sunday night. He wasn't any better completing 2 of 4 passes for 12 yards with 2 interceptions.

I know he's a third stringer and all but can't Danny Kanell get his parents better seats than the nosebleed section in Baltimore? His mom and dad were up in the Bob Uecker section on the very top row. Kanell's dad had a busy week as he's the team physician for the Florida Marlins.

For all the people that love to hate me for dogging baseball... I watched a good bit of Game 6 and enjoyed it. That young guy Beckett was unhittable.

49ers tight end Jed Weaver took a vicious shot that sent his helmet flying. Weaver made light of it after the game: "Some of the guys said I had grass stains on my head."

"None that I can think of" -- Bill Parcells when asked what positive he could take from the game.

Anyone notice how Mike Irvin switched from "we" to "those Cowboys" after the Tampa game?

Mike Tice was classic on the mic'd up feature. My favorite was Randy Moss asking him, "Are you scared?". Tice said, "No, get out there". A couple of other great ones from Tice: "These guys will drive you to drink... More." And when he told the referee, "I'm not that smart. That's why I got this pencil". Tice looks like a great guy to play for. He sounds like a cross between Vince Lombardi and Rocky Balboa...

You have to love "Reg" from the ESPN video game commercials. "The way I'll dunk on you is gonna look unorthodoxed"

St. Louis QB Marc Bulger went to the same high school as Dan Marino. That's two pretty good quarterbacks from one high school. What is it about Pennsylvania and QBs? Here's a list of Pennsylvania stars: Dan Marino, Pittsburgh, PA, Jim Kelly - East Brady, PA, Johnny Unitas - Pittsburgh, PA, George Blanda - Youngwood, PA, Joe Namath - Beaver Falls, PA, Joe Montana - Monongahela, PA, Jeff Hostetler - Hollsopple, PA, Marc Bulger - Pittsburgh, PA, Charlie Batch - Pittsburgh, PA, Mike McMahon - Wexford, PA, Kerry Collins - Lebanon, PA. Must be something in the water...

Baltimore wide receiver Travis Taylor and his wife, Rashidah recently attended a Halloween costume party where Travis dressed as Kobe Bryant and his wife dressed as the woman accusing Bryant of rape. She reportedly had a sign that said, "Three men in three days". Maybe it's just me, but I don't find that real funny. Checking Taylor's bio on nfl.com, it seems even more surprising to hear this: "Travis and his wife, Rashidah, are the proud parents of a three-year old daughter, Tionna and a one-year old daughter Torrie" ...

Time for my overtime system rant. Of the 354 overtime games that have been played with the current system, 28% of them have been decided by the team winning the coin flip driving down the field and scoring. I'll contend that the college system is an infinitely better way of deciding the winner. The 5 overtime finale of the Tennessee - Alabama game Saturday was by far the best part of the game. I don't look for any changes in the NFL though. JC in our message boards made a great point. The current NFL system would be like having extra innings in baseball and stopping the game if the team scored a run in the top of the 10th inning. And our Doug Drinen brought up another point, who says you can't have a tie? Carolina at 3-1-3 is a much better indication of how the Panthers' season has gone this year than is 6-1.

Marlin's manager Jack McKeon was a great story. You had to like him smoking the big stogie. McKeon further validated my theory on cigar smokers. Unless you're old like McKeon or look like Ricardo Montalban, you probably look like a dork smoking a cigar.

Corey Dillon couldn't even get through the hole in traffic driving to the game. Work with me here. The official time of the accident was 10:59. Dillon was 17 miles from the stadium. Are you telling me that a player who was officially a game time decision with a groin injury is still 17 miles from the stadium 120 minutes before kickoff? Unreal.

Mike Irvin looks like he raided the Bad Guys wardrobe closet from the Dick Tracy set...

Funny line Sunday morning when ESPN's Tom Jackson said that the Tampa Bay defenders were "a little light in the butt". No comment as to whether that would have anything to do with Warren Sapp skipping through the other teams stretching lines.

Jackson had an interesting response to Warren Sapp's "slave master" comments about how the league was keeping him from marketing himself. "In the midst of being 3-3, how can you worry about marketing?'

Tom Tupa http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/1422 looks like Mark Brunell to me http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/1032 ...

I rail on guys like Aaron Brooks who joke around after a loss. I found this quote from Derek Jeter over the weekend. Granted, it was a bigger game he lost but the point is still the same. "You play to win. If the other team beats you and it doesn't make you sick than you shouldn't be competing." Amen.

I like Dallas safety Roy Williams a lot. But I'm not ready to be comparing him to Ronnie Lott just yet as many seem inclined to do.

What do you think Keyshawn Johnson would trade his Super Bowl ring for? League MVP? Leading the league in touchdown receptions? Leading his team in touchdown receptions? Listening to him talk, I really don't know anymore.

Great example of why you don't waste timeouts. Indianapolis recovered a fumble with :57 left in the 2nd quarter. Inside the 5 yard line they were able to run two rushing plays calling timeouts they'd conserved.

Detroit is now 0-20 on the road. That's not easy to do.

For a coach like Dom Capers that plays aggressively, I was shocked to see him punt the ball away trailing 30-21 with 3:47 left in the game.

Here's one I didn't understand. Trailing by a touchdown, the Jets were driving down the field. With 40 seconds left on the clock, Coach Herman Edwards took off his headset and handed it to an assistant during the final drive. Is he not more involved with the play calling than that?

That had to be a sweet win for Jon Kitna over Seattle and Mike Holmgren.

Seriously, Rudi Johnson is my new favorite guy to root for. Love the fans chanting "Ru-DEE, Ru-DEE..."

I know he'd never try it in a game, but did you see Dante Hall fielding punts one handed in warm-ups? That's sick.

Tom Brady dropped this nugget after New England posted 9 points against the Browns: "Some of these weeks we are going to need to score a lot more points than we did (against Cleveland)". You think?

Smart coaching by New Orleans' Jim Haslett. With 4th and 13 and 9 seconds left in the 2nd quarter, the Panthers started walking off the field content to let the clock run out. Haslett called time out which forced the Panthers to punt. The Saints blocked the punt and on the next play kicked a field goal to end the half.

Definition of "Running The Ball Down Their Throats": Tennessee sealed the Jacksonville game with an 11 minute, 65 yard drive that featured 15 running plays. To add insult to injury, the drive ending field goal clanked off the uprights and was good.

Couple of thoughts on the Monday night game in Arizona. I find it a little hard to believe that with 65,000 plus people in attendance, they could only come up with $200,000 in donations. Sure, that's a lot of money but are we saying the average fan could only come up with three bucks? And I'm sure there were lots of people that threw a 20 (or more) into the donation box so that means tons of people didn't contribute anything. I just find that odd.

Secondly, I'd like to know what the Cardinals pulled in on concession and parking sales. A sellout crowd with free admission but buying beer and parking might actually generate more money for Bill Bidwill than charging full price tickets to the 23,000 they drew in week 2...

And lastly, too bad the Cardinals organization couldn't do it without coming off as self serving. Tempe Mayor Neil Giuliano said, "It shows the NFL that Arizona, and the Valley, is willing to step up and help out when they need help. Hopefully, they will remember that when they consider Arizona for a Super Bowl in a few days." That's so lame.

Buffalo's Takeo Spikes summed up the Bill season thus far: "Thank God for the bye week."

The Steeler front office took some heat for not opening the check book to Tommy Maddox in the off season. Maybe they're smarter than we thought...

I'm pulling for Cincinnati.

Forget Val Kilmer. Dave Wannstedt is looking very John Holmsey these days. Although the tan has him reminding me of the dead guy in Weekend at Bernies.

It's interesting to me that only are the Rams and Vikings playing at the top of the league, they're both doing it without their #1 running backs.

If the Jets hadn't already stated that Chad Pennington would take over in the first half for Vinny Testaverde, do you think Edwards would have made the change? I don't know. Testaverde was 7 for 11 with 112 yards and a touchdown. I'm not sure there's ever been a quarterback benched that was playing that well. What a pro Testaverde was about it: "I didn't try to talk him into letting me stay in," Testaverde said. "I knew going in what the plan was. Did I want to stay in? Yes, but it's not my decision."

The Patriots waived tackle Kenyatta Jones. Jones was arrested last week and charged with assault with intent to maim, assault and battery and mayhem for throwing scalding water on his room mate. Nice.

Detroit - Chicago wasn't exactly a stellar matchup. And both teams seemed to know it. "Things haven't been going their way. We knew that coming in. It was the same for us," Bears tackle Bryan Robinson said. "You could say, `Yeah, it's just Detroit.' But (other) teams look at us and say, `Yeah, that's just Chicago."'

I understand Bill Parcells played a huge part in helping Keyshawn Johnson develop into the player he is. That's great if he's Keyshawn's favorite coach. Keep it to yourself though. I'm still wondering why in the world Johnson would tell the world that Parcells is his favorite coach before the Cowboys game? Is he not smart enough to consider how that's going to make Jon Gruden feel? I can see a rookie that doesn't understand the media saying something goofy like that. Jeremy Shockey had his share of learning last year. But for a veteran like Johnson to say something that dumb is hard to imagine. The crowd let him have it during pre game introductions as he was roundly booed. He responded by running across the field to shake Parcells' hand.

So much for the "Rams can't play fast outside on the grass" theory...

Watch this one. Warren Sapp says the league is trying to keep him from promoting himself by making him "play with a mask on". Most people call that wearing a helmet. Don't be surprised to see Sapp's helmet continue to "accidentally" fly off as it did Sunday.

Rams coach Mike Martz went against the "book" Sunday electing to take points off the board when Pittsburgh was called for holding on a St. Louis field goal. It worked as they scored a touchdown a few plays later. Said Steeler linebacker Joey Porter, "That's brave of them, to take points off the board. That shows a lot of confidence, but they got it done and got more points."

Speaking of Martz, he's shown the mark of a smart coach this season - He's adjusted to his team. Instead of the wide open 5 WR sets of the past, you're seeing more protection for Bulger with two wide receiver packages. St. Louis is making the most of Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt and teams are having a tough time reacting. Hats off to Martz for making the adjustments.

Colts head coach Tony Dungy says Monday Night Football is a great scouting tool as long as you turn the sound off...

Every time I see Torry Holt off the field, he's wearing glasses. I guess he wears contact lenses for the game. I know he'll have backups, but that always seems like a scary thing to be worried about losing a contact. I wonder if he's considered the corrective eye surgeries available?

It was bad enough for the 49ers to be beaten by the Cardinals. But hearing Arizona quarterback Jeff Blake call it the easiest game of his career can't feel good.

Talk about muffing your big chance. Rams running back Lamar Gordon let Arlen Harris steal the show.

Be the guy in your league that spells Domanick Davis' name right.

How bad have things become in Washington? Danny Wuerffel told the Redskins thanks but no thanks. Washington now has a 2nd year starting quarterback they can't protect with no other QBs on the roster that have thrown an NFL pass. Nice.

How bad was it for Dallas Sunday? Aveion Cason was their leading receiver.

When the Raiders drop a player for conduct, it's a pretty safe assumption that the player is not a model citizen. DT Darrell Russell was booted from the Raiders after the following: 1 year drug suspension, being charged with multiple sex crimes (the case was eventually dropped), and a DUI arrest after leaving the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. Sounds like a perfect guy for Danny Snyder...

Ricky Williams either needs to ditch the baseball hat or get one that's an XXXXXL size that'll fit over his hair...

Hold the phones. Snoop Dog is going to be on next week's Playmakers. It's official, I'm gettin' a Tivo...

Carolina vs New Orleans last week was the first rematch of the season. Just thought you'd want to know that.

Arizona doesn't want to face the music but they have a real problem on their hands when Emmitt Smith returns. Everyone except Smith and Mike Irvin can see that Marcel Shipp is the superior running back.

How ugly was the Browns game Sunday? They crossed midfield one time. That's worth repeating. The Browns crossed midfield one time Sunday.

Dallas has given up just 1,713 yards (rushing + passing) in 7 games. Contrast that with Atlanta's 2,917 yards allowed in 7 games. Wow.

Watching David Boston's interview with Andrea Kremer I couldn't help but be reminded of the classic scene in True Romance where Christopher Walken explains the "Liar's Pantomine" to Dennis Hopper...

2004 Presidential Canidate Note: Howard Dean declared himself a "metrosexual," the buzz phrase for straight men in touch with their feminine sides, as he touted his accomplishments in "equal justice" for gay and lesbian couples. But then he waffled. "I'm a square," Dean declared, after professing his metrosexuality to a Boulder breakfast audience with an anecdote about being called handsome by a gay man. "I like (rapper) Wyclef Jean and everybody thinks I'm very hip, but I am really a square, as my kids will tell you. I don't even get to watch television. I've heard the term (metrosexual), but I don't know what it means."

Is there a less pretentious star in the league than the Rams' Marc Bulger? Following the win in Pittsburgh (where he grew up) he said, "The team is first and foremost. I'm not excited just because we won and it's my hometown. I'm just excited that we won, period."

The Nike Lebron James commercial where he freezes up is pretty annoying. And could they have picked a more homely looking cheerleader there? Good grief... The Sprite commercial where his neck "feels funny" is great though.

I know it's cool to be one of the tough Boo Birds in Philadelphia and all, but booing their Eagles on the final drive was pretty lame.

Congrats to Mike Vanderjagt, John Kasay and Ryan Longwell who have yet to miss a FG or Extra point all season. They are a combined 43 for 43 on FGs and 56 for 56 on extra points.

The Shaq vs Kobe "war" reminds me of a Sorority catfight.

Hard Luck Awards

TEN QB S. McNair 7 yard pass to TE E. Kinney to the 1 (George TD)
DET QB J. Harrington 19 yard pass to WR B. Schroeder to the 3 (Harrington to Ricks TD)
TB K M. Gramatica 32 yard FG nullified by penalty (Johnson to Johnson TD)
CAR QB J. Delhomme 22 yard pass to TE K. Mangum to the 1 (Davis TD)
MIN RB O. Smith 1 yard rush to the 1 (Culpepper to Moss TD)
NYJ RB C. Martin 21 yard rush to the 4 (Jordan TD)
PHI RB D. Staley 18 yard rush to the 4 (McNabb to Ritchie TD)
KC QB T. Green 10 yard pass to TE T. Gonzalez to the 4 (Holmes TD)
MIA RB R. Williams 6 yard rush to the 2 (Griese to McKnight TD)
SD FB L. Neal rush for no gain to the 1 (Tomlinson TD)
BAL QB K. Boller 11 yard TD pass to TE T. Heap challenged and reversed (Stover FG)
STL QB M. Bulger 22 yard pass to WR D. Looker to the 1 (Harris TD)
STL K J. Wilkins 38 yard FG nullified by penalty (Harris TD)
ARZ RB M. Shipp rush for no gain to the 1 (Blake TD)
SF RB G. Hearst 1 yard rush to the 4 (Harris TD)

Sometimes it's better to just not know...

That'll do it for today, Folks. Here's to Football.

Joe

Joe Bryant is an owner of www.footballguys.com You can usually find him on Sunday afternoon staring at the Sunday Ticket broadcast muttering "this is so cool..."

Thanks to Footballguys David Dodds, Bob Harris and Jeff Haseley for the help on this one.

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