Hi Folks,

Here's what happens when you sit an NFL Junkie down in front of multiple
big screens with Sunday Ticket and fresh batteries in the remote.

Let me try something here. I'll attempt to write this entire column
without gushing over the new found chemistry between Donovan McNabb and
Terrell Owens. If I'm able to do it, I'll be the only NFL writer on the
planet to hit that lofty goal this week. I know it's unrealistic, but aim
high is what I always say. Let's go.

ESPN's Tom Jackson summed up the Miami QB situation pretty well: "They had
100 days to look at the guy and they bench him after 30 minutes".

Piling on, HBO's Cris Carter had this on Miami: "The problem is that their
OFFENSE gives up points."

If you're a Kevan Barlow owner but didn't see the entire game, don't read
this. Trailing 14-6 with under 10 minutes to play, the 49ers drove down to
the Atlanta 3 yard line and ran the following plays:

1-3-ATL3 (9:58) T.Rattay pass incomplete to A.Walker
2-3-ATL3 (9:53) T.Rattay pass incomplete to B.Lloyd
3-3-ATL3 (9:48) T.Rattay pass intended for C.Conway INTERCEPTED by
A.Beasley at ATL 1.

On the next series this is how it went from the Falcons' 8 yard line:

1-8-ATL8 (6:40) T.Rattay pass incomplete to R.Woods.
2-8-ATL8 (6:31) T.Rattay pass incomplete to R.Woods.
3-8-ATL8 (6:24) T.Rattay pass to C.Wilson for 8 yards, TOUCHDOWN.

I didn't think the Under Armor commercials could be any worse than what
they ran last year. I was wrong.

Kurt Warner threw me off against the Eagles. I expected him to be either
very good (semi likely) or very bad (much more likely). He was pretty much
in between.

I love Kickoff Weekend. I think it's great they do all the fanfare with
the music and all. But I have to ask - what segment of the NFL audience do
they feel Elton John is connecting with? I'm just asking.

The Chargers' Drew Brees looked like a veteran looking off the defender to
the left and then at the last second connecting with Eric Parker towards
the right side for a touchdown. Peyton Manning, take note.

Eddie George carried the ball 8 times for 25 yards in the first half.
Three of those rushes were for 5 yards. That performance was apparently
bad enough to earn him a spot on the sideline for the entire second half.
I hate to break the news to Bill Parcells, but 8 for 25 is a borderline
great half for George.

The NFL won't be able to hear Onterrio Smith's appeal for a few more
weeks. Which should allow plenty of time for Michael Bennett to return.
I'm not one for conspiracy theories, but where I come from, we call that
awfully convenient timing.

Think the Eagles are glad to have Terrell Owens? Philadelphia WRs totaled
5 touchdowns in 2003. At Owens' current pace, he'll pass that number in
week 2. (Whoa, barely dodged the chemistry thing there)

Giants head coach Tom Coughlin had this to say after the game: "I think
there's a message there about having practiced. We had some guys who
didn't practice who either got nicked in the game or didn't play well. And
there's a strong message there."

Along those lines. Jeremy Shockey owners should just go ahead and load up
on the Rolaids. He's a player likely to miss tons of practice for whatever
reasons playing for one of the toughest "must practice to play" coaches in
the game. I'm not looking forward to this one.

On another note, Coughlin's in danger of losing this team. Recently,
several Giants, including team leader Michael Strahan, were fined for
being "late" to a team meeting. Only they were in fact two minutes early.
But Coughlin requires players to be at meetings five minutes early.
"Players ought to be there on time, period," Coughlin said. "If you are
on time, you are on time. Meetings start five minutes early." So
basically, they were "late" because they weren't "early" enough. This
sounds like natural material for Jerry Seinfeld.

Speaking of Coughlin, I can't help but think of Captain Queeg in the Caine
Mutiny fumbling the ball bearings. For you guys that aren't old enough to
get that one, ask your Dad.

Jake Plummer is a multi talented guy. Sunday he became the first player I
can remember that's thrown interceptions both right handed and left
handed.

Do you think Houston Coach Dom Capers has faith in Domanick Davis? Here's
a series from Sunday starting at the San Diego 13:

2-3-SD13 (6:42) D.Davis left guard to SD 3 for 10 yards
1-3-SD3 (6:01) D.Davis left guard to SD 1 for 2 yards
2-1-SD1 (5:21) D.Davis up the middle to SD 1 for no gain
3-1-SD1 (4:36) D.Davis left guard for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.

I bet it has something to do with the name. You don't find that many Doms
in the league and they likely stick together.

Sideline reporter Tony Siragusa worked the Cleveland - Baltimore
broadcast. The first time announcers Dick Stockton and Darryl Johnston
checked in with him, Siragusa led off by saying, "Thanks Moose, Dick. I
saw Donavan McNabb before the game and...." Outside of that line, can
anyone tell me what purpose Siragusa serves there?

Everyone knows you must run the ball at least reasonably well to be
successful in the NFL. How bad was Carolina Monday Night?

They only gained 38 yards rushing for the entire game.
In the second half, they only gained 4 yards rushing.
Of the 17 first downs they gained, only one was gained by rushing.

It's well documented in these pages that I used to miss Melissa Stark.
After a couple of games with Pat Summerall, I've lowered my sights and now
I just miss Mike Patrick.

I hope Tampa WR Keenan McCardell holds out for the whole season. That
worked out great for Errict Rhett.

You poker players out there might have picked up Quentin Griffin's "tell".
He puts his mouthpiece in on about half the plays. The only trouble is
that he mixes it up sometimes getting the ball with the mouthpiece in and
other times with the mouthpiece out. I think he was just toying with the
Chiefs.

Paging Mr. Jeremiah Trotter. Mr. Tagliabue on line 3.

Overheard in our Shark Pool message boards from Faust, our headline of the
week reads "Ricky Williams Chooses Grass Over Turf".

Don't underestimate how big this win was for Cleveland and QB Jeff Garcia.
First game, at home, against the Ravens, battling Ray Lewis and the uber
defense. After years of the Tim Couch / Kelly Holcomb circus, these fans
needed some stability and leadership. It's impossible to overestimate the
value of his last TD run. That's why people love the NFL.

On the other end of the spectrum, you know Mike Mularkey is taking the
loss hard in Buffalo. Opening with a win at home could have been huge. But
to see Ernest Wilford snatch victory away from you with 00:00 on the clock
is gut wrenching.

Bill Parcells has been there before but it didn't look like it was any
easier for him: "There are 16 teams after tonight wondering if they're
ever going to win a game and we're one of them."

Terrell Owens was asked in the post game press conference if he expected
to catch three TDs in his first game as an Eagle. He just smiled and said,
"Yeahhhh-up". (close again, but I've got it down now)

I still love the classic Owens line when he was asked to describe himself
and he said, "Confident". When asked for more description, he replied,
"Very".

Bill Belichick had some funny post game comments. He started off
addressing the writers with, "Did everyone stay for the end of this one?"
You could tell he was less than pleased with the defense though when he
said, "It was a good football game. Unless you coach defense.".

Bill Cowher on the sideline asked Jerome Bettis what play he wanted to
run, the "Mike" or the "Power". Bettis replied "Power" and Cowher didn't
hesitate. There are some advantages to being a veteran.

I'm kinda with Sporting News on this one. Raven coach Brian Billick
recently stated that "the game isn't that complicated". Then why does Kyle
Boller look so confused?

Like most fans, I'm loving the NFL Network. It's very interesting to me
though to see the difference between a network that is obviously
interested in presenting it's best face as opposed to a more objective
news source. ESPN seems to be drawing that line very clearly. A great
example was the Sunday morning feature on marijuana use and Mike Irvin
talking very candidly about how he used drugs during his playing career.

Chicago's "Tank" Johnson puts his entire name on his jersey. He'll
probably tell you it's because they also have Todd Johnson. But I'm
guessing at least part of it is taking advantage of the opportunity to put
"Tank" on the back of your jersey. I know I would.

San Diego's Drew Brees looked like a college QB running the option play at
the goal line. Note to Brees: When you're running the option, unless
you're absolutely certain you can walk into the end zone untouched, pitch
the ball to Tomlinson.

Speaking of college, I found it very interesting that during the post game
comments by both Chad Pennington in New York and Byron Leftwich in
Buffalo, they offered the exact same description of their game: "It felt
like I was at Marshall". Pretty strong statement for that program.

I always liked Keyshawn Johnson wearing #19. The NFL Competition Committee
this year relaxed the rules allowing receivers to wear the numerals 10-19.
Sort of weird to see all these young WRs with the low numbers. Arizona's
Larry Fitzgerald #11, Denver's Darius Watts #17, Detroit's Roy Williams
#11, Jacksonville's Ernest Wilford #19, Troy Edwards #18 and Reggie
Williams #11. In fact, of the four Jaguar WRs that caught a pass
Sunday, only one (Jimmy Smith) had a number in the 80's. Now that's some
useful information.

Great example of being a team player: Cincinnati's Jon Kitna could have
pouted and whined about having a great season and then losing out to
Carson Palmer. Instead, he's putting the team first. When Palmer threw the
touchdown to Chad Johnson, I was watching Kitna on the sidelines and he
nearly jumped out of his skin celebrating. Very cool.

Is Quentin Griffin that good or is Kansas City's run defense (still) that
bad? It's honestly a little of both. I hear all kinds of wild talk about
Griffin. People are asking me if they should trade him for top shelf guys
like Ahman Green. After pimping Griffin this offseason, I'm glad he looked
great. But if the Ahman Green owner in your league offers to trade, do it
before he comes to his senses.

Washington head coach Joe Gibbs on Clinton Portis: "He jumped in my face
several times and said 'Run THIS'. I think he's going to be a heck of a
Redskin".  Those are strong words coming from a Hall of Fame coach who's
seen his share of great Redskin players.

The Panthers losing Steve Smith was a big blow. But he sounded pretty
upbeat about his eventual return. "The first corner I face when I return,
better watch out".

I like the former Raider turned NFL Network host Lincoln Kennedy. But
riddle me this: How is it possible that a grown man his size can't grow a
mustache any better than that? Next time they have Ken Norton on, maybe he
can hold Big Linc down while Eisen gets the razor our. That might be their
first pay per view.

Like most defensive guys, the Giants Michael Strahan was less than
thrilled with the new emphasis on enforcing defensive holding. Reporters
asked if he might be biased as a defender and he replied, "No, I'm not
biased. I'm just mad."

It's not a knock on Darius Watts or Ashley Lelie, but cornerback Champ
Bailey might be the Broncos' 2nd best WR.

Speaking of Bailey, the Chiefs were able to draw a matchup Sunday where
the 6' 0" / 192 Bailey was forced to cover TE Tony Gonzalez at 6' 5" /
251. It was clearly a mismatch. Gonzalez didn't have a chance as Bailey
covered him like a blanket.

Seattle head coach Mike Holmgren had this to say following week one: "I've
been at this for a while, but I was . pumped for this game." My thoughts
exactly, Coach.

We've all seen the numbers for Jerome Bettis: 5 carries, 1 yard and 3 TDs.
That's 7 inches per carry. If you were to extrapolate that over to Ahman
Green's 33 rushing attempts, the Packer RB would have had 33 carries for 7
yards and 20 TDs. I have no idea why I think of things like that.

Just when you think you've got this game figured out, Jamal Lewis rushes
for less yards the entire game this year against Cleveland than he did in
his first minute of the game last year.

Running back in the NFL is a young man's position. But for Old Timers like
me (40), you had to like seeing Emmitt Smith, Curtis Martin and Jerome
Bettis shine Sunday.

Want to know the most important thing I saw from Quentin Griffin? He was
nearly perfect on picking up blitzes in pass protection. All the running
talent in the world won't keep you on the field if you can't protect the
QB. Just ask Atlanta's T.J. Duckett.

I will never get used to Chicago kicker Paul Edinger turning around nearly
facing the other goalpost before a kick. I don't see what possible
advantage that could give him.

I miss Dennis Green in Purple. He doesn't look nearly as much like
McDonald's Grimace wearing the Cardinal colors.
http://www.ronald.com/grimace/index.html

Yes, Lions WR Roy Williams is all that.

Anyone else old enough to have a Garo Yepremian flashback when Dallas'
punter and place kick holder Mat McBriar took off running for his life
after the muffed hold and then tried to pass the ball over his shoulder?
It was even more fun that they both wore #1.

I don't know that I've ever seen a QB look sharper throwing the ball than
Mike Vick did to open the game Sunday. His first five passes were thrown
with perfect touch when they needed it and frozen ropes when that type of
velocity was called for. I'm not often impressed but I literally put the
remote down and just stared for a while. He put on an absolute clinic for
a little bit.

You probably saw the touchdown catch by Randy Moss where he beat
cornerback Terence Newman. What you may not have seen was the play prior
to the TD where Moss fell in the end zone and Newman jumped on top of him
holding Moss down. It was a legal play but you could tell it didn't sit
well with Moss. Newman is an excellent corner but Moss took the 2nd year
player to school on the next play with the subtle push off and touchdown
catch.

Rashard Lee. What in the world was that?

There was much talk about Kevan Barlow and how he was too "hesitant"
hitting the hole. I love it how a RB can do the exact same thing but gain
yards and then it's called "patience".

I'll be watching New Orleans' Deuce McAllister this week. He was openly
critical of the Saints using a new formation that left him alone in the
backfield with no lead blocker. He'll be back with his fullback this
week.

Randy Moss had more passing yards than receiving yards this week.

I've always liked Roy Williams in Dallas but he showed some really poor
class Sunday. After an Onterrio Smith rush, they were unstacking the pile
of players. With one hand on Smith's toe and the other on his heel, he
sharply twisted the running back's ankle. Williams is a great talent.
There's no need to resort to cheap shots like that.

How do you leave Terrell Owens wide open in the end zone?

You may not like his mouth, but Keyshawn Johnson showed once again he's
one of the toughest players in the game. He took a hard shot from Brian
Williams on the sidelines that flipped him over landing on his neck and
shoulders. On the very next play, he was drilled by Williams over the
middle and hung onto the ball.

The Minnesota - Dallas game featured two punters in Mat McBriar and Darren
Bennett with Australian Rules Football connections. You don't find that
kind of insight just anywhere folks.

Interesting play Sunday where San Francisco tight end Eric Johnson was
tackled by Atlanta linebacker Eric Johnson. The only thing better would
have been if the Bengals defensive tackle Eric Johnson could've been in on
the play somehow.

Buffalo's Eric Moulds had a fumble in the red zone. Edgerrin James of the
Colts had two. And Peyton Manning threw a costly interception at the end
zone. You expect veterans like these guys to protect the ball better.

In case any of you Duce Staley owners were wondering, yes, Bill Cowher
really does hate you.

Hard Luck Awards.

Every week I'll list the players that almost scored (and the players that did)

IND QB Manning intercepted from the 6 on a pass intended for TE Clark
IND RB James fumbles at the 1
TEN RB Brown 52 yard rush to the 2. (McNair to Kinney TD)
HOU RB Davis 2 yard rush to the 2 (Brown FG)
HOU QB Carr incomplete pass to Baxter from the 2 (Brown FG)
HOU QB Carr 27 yard pass to Hollings to the 2
SD QB Brees 2 yard rush to the 1 (Tomlinson TD)
CLE RB Green 2 yard rush to the 3 (Garcia TD)
CHI QB Grossman 27 yard pass to Terrell to the 2 (Jones TD)
CHI QB Grossman 10 yard pass to Jones to the 2 (Jones TD)
CHI PK Edinger 27 yard FG blocked
DET RB Jones 1 yard TD nullified by Offensive Holding penalty (Hansen FG)

DET QB Harrington 4 yard pass to Alexander to the 3 (Hanson FG)

DET QB Harrington 30 yard pass to Schlesinger to the 4 (Harrington to
Hakim TD)
ARZ QB McCown 5 yard rush to the 5 (Rackers FG)
ARZ DEF 95 yard TD interception nullified by penalty (Bulger to Bruce TD)

PIT RB Staley 7 yard rush to the 2 (Bettis TD)

PIT RB Staley 2 yard rush to the 1 (Bettis TD)

PIT QB Maddox 13 yard pass to Burress to the 1 (Bettis TD)

NYJ RB Martin 1 yard rush to the 3 (Pennington to Martin TD)
ATL QB Vick 20 yard pass to Price to the 2 (Dunn TD)
PHI RB Westbrook rush for no gain from the 3 (McNabb to Owens TD)
MIN RB Williams 1 yard rush to the 3 (Culpepper to Robinson TD)
DEN RB Griffin 19 yard rush to the 1
DEN RB Griffin 1 yard rushing loss to the 2 (Plummer to Hape TD)
DEN RB Griffin 7 yard rush to the 1 and fumble
CAR QB Delhomme 8 yard pass to Smith to the 1 (Delhomme to Hoover TD)
GB QB Favre 9 yard TD pass to Ferguson nullified by penalty (Green TD)

Sometimes it's better to just not know.

That'll do it for this week, Folks. Enjoy the games. Here's a parting
picture for our Southern friends who are facing yet another Hurricane

Hang tough and be safe.

Hoping all the bounces go your way,

Joe

**************
Joe Bryant
Owner - www.Footballguys.com

Thanks to message board gurus Fuzzy McGillicuddy, and Oso Diablo for
contributing on this one. If you've got a Random Shot observation of your
own, shoot it to me at [email protected]