Hi Folks,

Here's what happens when you sit an NFL Junkie down in front of multiple
big screens with Sunday Ticket and fresh batteries in the remote.

Cincinnati's Chad Johnson drew headlines sending the Browns defensive
backs bottles of Pepto Bismol. We all know how that turned out.

"This is my most frustrating game ever," he said. "I made the challenge. I
didn't perform."

Browns safety Earl Little had this comeback for Johnson: "I told him,
'Hey, I'm going to FedEx that stuff back to you, because you really need
it.' "

Are you telling me that Earl Little had all week to think about this and
the best he can manage is "Hey, I'm going to FedEx that stuff back to you,
because you really need it"? Sheesh. Just use "The jerk store called and
they're all out of you" before you come up with trash talk that weak. Or
give my ten year old a call. He's got plenty of better lines Little could
use.

ESPN's Tom Jackson said Monday what I've been saying about Aaron Brooks
for years: Don't be smiling and joking around on the field after a loss.
Seriously.

I bet this is a fun time of the year for Saints TE Boo Williams.

Think Chicago depends on Thomas Jones? He was the leading rusher and
receiver and had a hand in 74% of the offensive yards gained by the
Bears.

Is there a more frustrating player in the league than Seattle's Koren
Robinson? The Seahawk wide receiver keeps finding new ways to drive his
owners crazy. Sunday, he not only dropped an easy pass but he also managed
an offensive pass interference penalty on the same play pushing off Tyrone
Poole.

For the second week in a row, Washington quarterback Mark Brunell failed
to crack 100 yards passing. He dropped back four times in the fourth
quarter and did not even attempt a pass on any of those four plays.

And some of you Red Sox doubters questioned me when I told you it was
"ovah". It's the 7th inning of game 7 as I write this.

Good Grief, Mike Sherman. Tuck your shirt in on the sidelines. You're
representing a proud NFL franchise. You win 20 in a row, and then you can
dress like Bill Belichick if you want.

One of the best things about writing Random Shots is that I always get a
bunch of cool email from folks. I thought I was the only guy who thought
some of these goofy things I think but every week I get the "Hey, I saw
that too!" messages. Those are fun. I also get plenty of stuff to keep me
grounded as well. Here's my favorite from last week after I asked if ESPN
could substitute Chris Mortensen for Kenny Mayne. This is exactly as it
came to me:

"You want to talk about Kenny Mayne being lame, how about making sure you
lines are funny before you tell us someone else ain't."  You gotta love
that.

Boy, the Giants really screwed up letting Kerry Collins get away and
"panicking" to grab a washed up Kurt Warner.

Thumbs up to the Eagles. They're selling the pink Eagles hats to raise
money for Breast Cancer research. $5 from every sale goes toward the
cause. http://store.philadelphiaeagles.com/productinfo.asp?item=994

The hardest shot Buffalo RB Willis McGahee took was when he went flying on
the sidelines into the camera truck.

The referee in Minnesota announced that Viking WR Marcus Robinson had
"three feet down" on his sideline catch. I knew what he meant of course
but my kids thought it was funny.

What do Courtney Anderson, Ronald Curry, Jerry Porter, Doug Gabriel, Amos
Zereoue, Doug Jolley, J.R. Redmond and Zack Crockett NOT have in common
with Jerry Rice?  They all caught a pass for Oakland in Sunday's game.
When J.R. Friggin' Redmond out produces you in the passing game, it's time
to move on.

Cleveland scored a TD in style with a 99 yard pass from Jeff Garcia to
Andre' Davis. Davis anchored Virginia Tech's 400 meter relay team. He made
a believer out of Bengals cornerback Deltha O'Neal.

Interesting choice of words from the Browns medical staff. They reported
guard Kelvin Garmon suffered a "mild" concussion. Garmon said "I was out
cold". Those wacky linemen.

Sorry if I seem a little distracted on this one. Just can't seem to pull
myself away from the Preseason NBA action.

The "collapse" of Cincinnati is a hot topic. Does anyone else remember
that they started off last season 1-4?

Speaking of the Bengals, I don't really know what I'd do at quarterback if
I were Marvin Lewis. I was a big Jon Kitna fan but reluctantly agreed he
wasn't the long term answer if they wanted to make that proverbial "next
step". But man has Palmer been ugly. It's not so much that he looks bad,
or makes terrible decisions. It's just those constant short little baby
passes. Sunday, he averaged 4.1 yards per attempt.

Fox Sports' Joe Buck is a pretty darn talented guy.

Bengal wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh moved into the starting lineup
for Peter Warrick in week 4 and saw 12 targets from Palmer. After a bye
week, he started in week 6 and saw zero targets come his way. How does
that happen?

I know the Marshall legend stuff and it was cool to see Byron Leftwich
play through injuries Sunday. But unlike everyone else in the world who's
ready to anoint him the next Elway, I'm not joining the love fest yet.
Maybe I'll get there, but for now I'm not totally sold.

While I'm on that, Cleveland features on their roster Andre' Davis, Andra
Davis and Andre King. Just because I know you like that kind of stuff.

Note to Rich Gannon - Hang 'em up there, Guy. You've had a great career.
Backup journeyman to a league MVP is some story. He's an old timer for an
NFL player but still a relatively young man. Enjoy the rest of your life.

You hate to pile on a guy struggling as badly as Chicago QB Jonathon
Quinn, but Rick Telander's line from the Sun Times was too good to pass
up. Describing Quinn he said, "He is Cade McNown without peripheral
vision."

I even heard something I thought I'd never hear a Bears fan say Monday. He
said he missed Kordell Stewart. That is brutal.

Remember when the Titans were tough at home? They're 0 for 2004 in
Nashville this season.

You would think that the Lions could find a quality running back between
Artose Pinner, Shawn Bryson, and Kevin Jones. And you'd be wrong. Joey
Harrington was Detroit's leading rusher Sunday. With 12 yards.

As if Lions fans needed any more reason to crash back down to earth.
Consider the Green Bay game by looking at it this way: If the Packers had
agreed before the game to award Detroit five points for every FIRST DOWN
the Lions could muster, Green Bay still would have won the game.

Ok, one more before I stop on this train of thought. The Lions have the
32nd rated offense in the league. Yes, that means Miami posts more yards
per game than Detroit.

Looking at the same ranking, Minnesota's averaging 477 yards per game.
Indianapolis ranks #2 a full 88 yards behind at 389. That is domination.

Here's how good Daunte Culpepper's been. He's thrown for 18 touchdowns.
The Viking's Darren Bennett has punted 13 times. For comparison,
Washington's Mark Brunell and Patrick Ramsey have combined for 6 touchdown
passes. Redskins punter Tom Tupa has punted 44 times. Think about that.

The more Kansas City loses, the less Dick Vermeil cries. Does that seem
odd to you?

Jake Plummer threw touchdown passes Sunday to Jeb Putzier, Dwayne Carswell
and Ashley Lelie. These are not your father's Bronco's. These aren't even
Ed McCaffrey's Broncos.

I miss Easy Ed and those Pop Warner shoulder pads he used to sport.

Green Bay head coach Mike Sherman said he laid it out pretty clearly for
the team prior to Sunday's game:  "I told them they had their backs so far
up against the wall, they had splinters in their ***."

I can't believe Apple ruined their outstanding series of iPod commercials
with the U2 thing. The entire concept was the all black silhouette people
and now they add the light so you can see it's Bono? Weak.

Why do the Steelers only have the logo on one side of their helmets? I
know but wondering if you do. While I'm at it, send me your odd ball /
interesting uniform notes you like.

Pay attention: Daunte Culpepper is on pace to throw for 58 touchdowns and
5,651 yards.

How do that many Steeler fans manage seats in Texas Stadium? Seriously.

Note to Herm Edwards - There's no shame in decaf. Easy there fella.

Post Game Press Conference Sharp Dressed Man Awards this week: Steve
McNair, Ben Roethlisberger, Chad Pennington, Lito Sheppard, and Donovan
McNabb.

You just know Mike Shanahan enjoys sticking it to Oakland. The pouring
rain was a great contrast point. Shanahan looked like a kid splashing
around smiling widely. Norv Turner looked miserable soaking wet. He looked
like he was thinking, "This is just great."

Mark Brunell vs Jonathon Quinn. Manning vs Favre this was not.

Exhibit A of why highlight films don't give a good picture of the game:
Mike Vick. He was terrible for three quarters. But you don't see that on
Sports Center.

Tennessee's Steve McNair was obviously frustrated after the game: "We
played a hell of a Monday night game and then come out here and piss it
away."

Keyshawn Johnson is a touchdown machine.

Welcome to the league Ahmad Carroll. The Green Bay rookie cornerback made
his first start. He also made Az-Zahir Hakim look like Randy Moss.

Even the hard core Dolphin haters have to feel for these guys. Said Zach
Thomas, "The frustrating part is that we're the worst team in the NFL. We
are the jokes on Jay Leno. It's a humbling game."

I like Titans Coach Jeff Fisher's attitude regarding injuries:  "That's no
excuse. We're pros. This is a professional coaching staff, and these are
professional players."

Tabloid factoid of interest to the Jerry Springer / Wife Swap show
watchers: O.J. Simpson was spotted watching the Bills game from a private
suite.

I think New England is the best team in football right now. But I didn't
realize until Sunday that the Seahawks were the first team the Patriots
played that had one or more wins at the time they played.

The Jets defense looked to be sleepwalking through the first half. Enough
so that defensive coordinator Donnie Henderson felt compelled to move from
the coaches box down to the sideline. Said coach Herman Edwards, "I told
him to take the elevator down, don't jump."

Denver's John Lynch could play for my team anytime: "We never get tired of
dominating someone. We were talking about it every down in the huddle in
the second half: 'Keep them down, keep them down, keep them down."'

I still smile at the Guinness commercials. Brilliant!

Pittsburgh's Bill Cowher laughed about his team's confidence: "Maybe we're
more confident than good." I'll take that.

If Phillip Rivers were playing and posting Drew Brees' stats, we'd be
clamoring to name him Rookie of the Year.

I love Mike Tice. From the post game press conference: "It's also pleasing
that you look at your local media and you think they'd be positive. But
some of our local beat writers are picking against us and saying negative
things about the team. I'm very pleased to be able to shove it in their
face because.um.it just makes me feel good. Real good. Exceptionally
good."

In case anyone forgot, Fred Taylor is really fast.

One word for Jermaine Wiggins on his attempted break dance TD celebration:
Don't.

Think LaDainian Tomlinson is important to San Diego? Check out this
series:

1-10-ATL20 (4:24) Brees pass to Tomlinson pushed ob at ATL 15 for 5 yards

2-5-ATL15 (3:57) Tomlinson up the middle to ATL 12 for 3 yards
3-2-ATL12 (3:12) Brees pass to Tomlinson to ATL 13 for -1 yards
PENALTY on ATL-Smith, Roughing the Passer, 6 yards, enforced at ATL 12 -
No Play.
1-6-ATL6 (2:48) Tomlinson up the middle to ATL 4 for 2 yards
2-4-ATL4 (2:10) Tomlinson right tackle to ATL 1 for 3 yards
3-1-ATL1 (2:00) Tomlinson up the middle to ATL 1 for no gain
4-1-ATL1 (1:22) Tomlinson up the middle for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.

Same can be said for New Orleans' Deuce McAllister:

1-10-MIN19 (8:45) McAllister right tackle to MIN 13 for 6 yards
2-4-MIN13 (8:11) McAllister right tackle to MIN 10 for 3 yards
3-1-MIN10 (7:34) Brooks pass to McAllister to MIN 2 for 8 yards
1-2-MIN2 (6:52) McAllister right guard to MIN 1 for 1 yard
2-1-MIN1 (6:18) McAllister left guard for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.

I'm glad for Seattle fans and all that, but I really wish Jerry Rice would
have retired a 49er and gone out on top. On a side note, cool move by
Steve Largent offering up the #80 jersey.

I'm stoked that Blackeyedjoe's All Name Team wide receiver Jerricho
Cotchery finally caught a pass for the Jets. Now if only Taco Wallace
could crack a lineup somewhere, I'd have my WR corps all set.

Not to diminish what he's done, but Daunte Culpepper has forever and a day
in the pocket to throw the ball. Great job by the Viking offensive line.

So much for Corey Dillon's injury. Here's the complete sequence of plays
on New England's opening drive starting from the Seattle 26 after they
intercepted Matt Hasselbeck.

1-10-SEA26 (10:06) Brady pass to Patten pushed ob at SEA 17 for 9 yards
2-1-SEA17 (9:42) Dillon right tackle to SEA 9 for 8 yards
1-9-SEA9 (9:03) Dillon left end to SEA 2 for 7 yards
2-2-SEA2 (8:22) Dillon up the middle to SEA 1 for 1 yard
3-1-SEA1 (7:47) Dillon right guard for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.

Thanks for all the email from Coors and Visa employees regarding my
comments on their ads. Most said I was more unfair to "corporate America"
than I was Brian Billick. Of course that's just crazy talk. I'm way more
unfair to Billick. Besides, it has nothing to do with corporate America.
Some commercials, (cough.cough."we know you like ice cold
taste".cough) just suck. Is that so wrong?

Hard Luck Awards for Week 6

CLE QB Garcia 4 yard pass to RB Suggs to the 5 (Garcia to Shea TD)
BUF RB McGahee 2 yard rush to the 5 (Bledsoe to Campbell TD)
HOU QB Carr 13 yard pass to WR Johnson to the 4 (Wells TD)
MIN QB Culpepper 13 yard pass to RB Williams to the 2
MIN QB Culpepper 1 yard incomplete pass from the 1 to WR Moss (Culpepper
to Wiggins TD)
MIN RB Williams 6 yard rush to the 3
MIN RB Williams 2 yard rush to the 1 (Culpepper to Robinson TD)
NO QB Brooks 2 yard pass to RB McAllister to the 5 (Brooks TD)
PHI QB McNabb 10 yard pass to RB Westbrook to the 1
PHI QB McNabb incomplete pass from the 1 to TE Bartrum (Levens TD)
CAR RB Hoover 9 yard rush to the 2
CAR QB Delhomme incomplete pass from the 2 to TE Gaines
CAR RB Hoover rush for no gain from the 2 (Delhomme to Muhammad TD)
TB QB Griese 8 yard pass to TE Heller to the 1 (Alstott TD)
TB RB Pittman 3 yard rush to the 1 (Griese to Heller TD)
STL PR McDonald 82 yard punt return TD nullified by penalty
STL RB Steven Jackson 1 yard rush to the 2 (Faulk TD)
NYJ FS Coleman 55 yard interception return TD nullified by penalty
NYJ QB Pennington 6 yard pass to TE Becht to the 1 (Martin TD)
SF QB Rattay 65 yard pass to WR Battle to the 2 (Barlow TD)
PIT RB Staley 5 yard rush to the 2
PIT RB Staley rush for no gain from the 2 (Bettis TD)

Sometimes it's better to just not know.

That'll do it for this one folks. If you've got a Random Shot of your own,
shoot it to me at [email protected]  Thanks for playing along and I
hope you have a great week.

Joe

**************************************
Joe Bryant
Owner - www.Footballguys.com



Thanks to Robert Umberger, Wilked, Texas Yankee and Mr. Know it All for
the help on this one.