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Hi Folks, I think it's fitting that the regular season wrap up this time of year. Because for me, the NFL season is sort of like Christmas: Tons of anticipation and then it seems to be over before I know it. I think this has been my favorite season ever. But then I say that every year. I admit it, I'm an NFL junkie. And I'm guessing the fact you're reading this puts you pretty far up the NFL Junkie scale too. It's ok. They say Recognition is the first step… Seriously, part of the fun in writing this column is that every week, I know I'll get to share some thoughts with folks like yourself who love football as much as I do. And that strikes me as a very good thing. I've had a blast throwing out my goofy thoughts this season. And I've chuckled at the emails from people telling me they've thought some of the same things as they were watching the games. (the fact these people are having the same thoughts as me should probably concern them…) Before this turns into a Hallmark card / Winston Wolfe scene, let's get on with this. I've got some stuff from this past week 17, but I've also pulled up some of the more interesting things I remember seeing during the year. I've thrown them into the mix as well. It's a wrap to the season for these Random Shots. Bottom line is this thing has been an absolute gas. It's my sincerest hope that you've enjoyed reading it 10% as much as I enjoyed writing it. We'll do it again next season. If you've got thoughts and ideas on how this thing can be better, or just want to yell at me about Kevan Barlow, feel free to shoot me a line at [email protected]. Here's to Football, Joe Peyton Manning was on the Bob and Tom radio show laughing and lamenting that the most common chant from the crowd he hears is "Cut that Meat". That's pretty funny. I've talked about the cool Visa commercial with Corey Dillon saying "Not in our house". Seems sort of ironic in that with Pittsburgh clinching home field throughout the playoffs, Dillon might not be in "his house". Hats off to Herman Edwards and the Jets. Edwards has adamantly talked about playing to win these games. Even when he knew the Jets had locked up a playoff spot, he kept his guys going hard in the St. Louis game. He's the kind of guy you'd like to have in your fantasy league. Speaking of that, I understand resting players and injury and all that but does it bother anyone else that these teams like Philadelphia are blatantly tanking games? Just a question. That wacky Mike Martz was back to his old ways. Marc Bulger threw for over 400 yards while the running game failed to crack 50 yards. And that was with nearly five quarters of opportunity. The Rams weren't as bad as Minnesota though. Daunte Culpepper was the leading rusher with 2 carries for 24 yards. On a team that featured Michael Bennett, Onterrio Smith, and Moe Williams. How does that happen? Check out the Week 11 notes below and you'll see this isn't the first time… What a year for Curtis Martin. He vaulted past Eric Dickerson and Jerome Bettis Sunday to snag the #4 spot on the all time rushing list. Wow. If I'm Curtis Martin, and the Jets have a decent playoff run, I take a hard look at the 2004 Eddie Georges of the world standing on the sidelines and give some serious consideration to pulling a Robert Smith going out at the top of my game. I was one of those guys who was certain Lee Suggs would be the clear cut back in Cleveland over William Green. For a while, it was touch and go but it looks like Suggs finally came on. He posted his third straight 100 yard game Sunday will Green barely saw the field. My guy "Fast" Willie Parker finally got a chance to showcase his wheels for Pittsburgh. He ripped off a 58 yard run in route to posting 102 yards on 19 carries. He's raw but that guy is fast. I told you Eli would be fine. Nice move from the Ravens. Jamal Lewis needed 161 yards to receive a large incentive bonus Sunday. The Ravens fed him 34 carries and Lewis managed 167 yards. They could have very easily saved their money there. Seattle's Shaun Alexander missed the chance for the league rushing title Sunday when Matt Hasselbeck took a QB sneak in at the goalline. Alexander was less than pleased after the game, "This is the first time I've ever been back-stabbed in my life. … Are you kidding me? You know the play. We all know what it was. Stabbed in the back." If I were Alexander, I'd be for questioning all those plays where he stepped out of bounds instead of fighting for those extra yards. Speaking of stupid things in Seattle, Koren Robinson missed the game Sunday in a disciplinary action for missing a team meeting. He's entering the Lawrence Phillips zone for wasted talent. It took until week 17 for a starting Giant wide receiver to catch a touchdown. That's gotta be some kind of record, doesn't it? Most folks know that I'm not a big Brian Billick fan. But he was funny on Saturday when asked what he planned to do after the Ravens played Miami knowing that his playoff fate depended on the outcome of several late games. Billick said he was going to beat Miami, then grab some Chinese food, drive home, sit down in front of the TV and yell and scream at the television just like all the rest of us. If I'm Clinton Portis, I'm at least marginally concerned to see Ladell Betts smash his way to 118 yards Sunday. Fun to see a guy like Tiki Barber end his season with a bang Sunday night. Barber passed both Rodney Hampton's career rushing record and Joe Morris' single season rushing record. All while carrying the Giants to a much needed win. Peyton Manning finished the regular season with a 121.1 passer rating. That's just ridiculous. How do the Bronco faithful feel about Jake Plummer shattering John Elway's single season passing record? Seattle quarterback Matt Hasselbeck says his injured elbow is "good enough". You wouldn't know that from watching the game though as he didn't attempt a single pass longer than ten yards. I was surprised to see Kansas City go out with a whimper. The game wasn't nearly as close as the 24-17 score would indicate. Tony Gonzalez saw 23 targets come his way Sunday as the Chiefs forced him the ball to break the single season reception record for a TE. That's almost more targets in one game than the Falcon wide receivers saw all year… San Diego's wide receivers looked like a couple of power forwards with 6'5" Kassim Osgood and 6' 6" Malcom Floyd. I like it. Baltimore's Terrell Suggs had a goofy sack dance after his tackle Sunday. The question I had was, "Does Sage Rosenfels really warrant a sack dance?" Aaron Brooks had this gem last week talking about the comparisons between himself and Jake Delhomme: "Jake is a great guy, a good quarterback. He's on a team that plays well together. I'm the exact opposite. I'm a great quarterback, and I'm on a team that's kind of struggling and been very inconsistent a lot of the time. I've been able to do some great things. There's no comparison." I couldn't make up stuff this goofy if I tried. Mike Irvin made a good point Sunday on the perils of players taking a game off. He said that when they know they're not going to play Sunday, they don't just miss the game, they effectively miss a week of "real" practice preparation as well. Good point. It didn't take Tom Jackson long to name his worst coaching move of the season: "Anytime Mike Martz was doing anything on the field." Who is that Captain Morgan wannabe doing the NFL Playoff commercials? He's no Don Cheadle, I'll tell you that. That's a rare marketing blunder by the league. On the flipside, NFL Films / NFL Network is running what I think is the best commercial ever made. Seriously. You can see it by clicking the link next to the Ben Roethlisberger pic here. It's a big file and takes a couple of minutes to download even on cable modem but it's worth it. Trust me. Why do Randy Moss and his 13 TDs get 25% as much attention as Terrell Owens and his 14 TDs? Mike Martz to me is the Mike Vick of coaches. You see the flashes and when it's good, it's really good. But man there are some frustrating stretches. Denver TE Jeb Putzier has changed the pronunciation of his of name from "Put-zee-eh" to "Put-zeer." He said it sounded "too French". If I was going to change it, I think I'd have gone all the way and gone to Smith or something. Or maybe he could pick one of our BlackeyedJoe.com All Name guys and follow one of them. Speaking of the BlackeyedJoe.com All Name Team, I've had several folks ask about the complete list. So here goes. Some of these guys change NFL teams pretty often so please don't hold that against me. The roster changes pretty much at my discretion so if you see one of your guys left off, lemme know.
For what it's worth, fullbacks easily have the highest Great Name Per Capita ratio of any position in all of professional sports. San Francisco, you are on the clock. Vikings receiver Randy Moss quit before the game was over as he walked off
the field with 2 seconds remaining. After starting the season 5-1, the Vikings
quit before the season was over, Check out this remarkable series from the Oakland - Jacksonville game. Notice that Zack Crockett has a hand in thirteen consecutive plays as the Raiders drive 83 yards for the score. Raider fans will also note that the score was nullified by penalty. But that wasn't bad enough, they had to turn the ball over in the red zone after the nullified TD. And then they throw in a penalty on the interception return just for good measure. Yikes.
Hate to say it but the Bill season ended with "wide right". San Diego quarterback Phillip Rivers plays with the clear eye shield. Just so you know. Does anyone else find it interesting that a "defensive minded" coach like Tony Dungy has the Colt's offense with their porous defense and the "offensive minded" Brian Billick has the Ravens defense with their toothless offense? Vinny Testaverde and Emmitt Smith will likely be back next year but you never know. A couple of classy guys. It struck me that "Vinny" and "Emmitt" are two of only a handful of NFL players you know by their first names. Ok, let's take a look back over the season. Here are some Random Shots from the past 17 weeks: Week 2: ESPN's Tom Jackson summed up the Miami QB situation pretty well: "They had 100 days to look at the guy and they bench him after 30 minutes". Week 2: Eddie George carried the ball 8 times for 25 yards in the first half. Three of those rushes were for 5 yards. That performance was apparently bad enough to earn him a spot on the sideline for the entire second half. I hate to break the news to Bill Parcells, but 8 for 25 is a borderline great half for George. Week 2: Sideline reporter Tony Siragusa worked the Cleveland - Baltimore broadcast. The first time announcers Dick Stockton and Darryl Johnston checked in with him, Siragusa led off by saying, "Thanks Moose, Dick. I saw Jeff Garcia before the game and...." Outside of that line, can anyone tell me what purpose Siragusa serves there? Week 2: Yes, Lions WR Roy Williams is all that. Week 3: It's still early but the J-E-T-S are looking for R-E-A-L. Week 3: Ron Dayne? That's pretty much what we thought. The 2003 Dayne was slow and fat. 2004 Dayne is slow and not as fat. Week 3: I guarantee you the guys that created the All World Coors Light Twins ads are not the same geniuses that are pushing this "frost brewed" angle. Apparently, it's quite a feat keeping the beer "frosty" cold from brewery to the store. According to the ads, they preserve that all important "cold taste" in refrigerated rail cars (as if cold had a taste). I hate to break it to them, but when Melvin at the local package store stacks the cases in the floor at room temperature, doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose? Week 3: Randy Cross described Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger's style as that of a "scoocher". Cross said, "Sometimes it's better to be a scoocher than a scrambler". Week 3: Vikings coach Mike Tice sounds just like Rocky Balboa. I love that guy. Week 3: I want to know who made the decision to send ESPN's Hank Goldberg out into the Philadelphia crowd Monday night. He looked genuinely fearful for his life broadcasting on the Prime Monday show. Goldberg was in a sea of Eagles fans. He started to talk to a girl wearing a Vikings jersey who was immediately showered with beer. Goldberg was clearly rattled and cut the interview short saying "I don't know that this is the best use of my talents, I'm going to send it back to you Stuart". He's not been heard from since. Although let's be honest, Goldberg went 1-5-1 with his picks in week 1. I'm not sure what his talents are. Goldberg made light of it though (as you can do when it's not really your money that you lost) and said he was so bad, he took it on the "chins". Week 4: With Mark Brunell in the game Monday night, who would have thought the best left handed pass of the evening would be thrown by Cowboy fullback Richie Anderson? Week 4: New Orleans running back Aaron Stecker was clearly upset at the lack of respect he was given prior to the game. "Hey, I'm a running back. It's not like they pulled me out of the front office and said 'Deuce is out, do you know how to play some running back?' "He looked pretty good to me with 106 yards including a 42 yard TD run. After the run he was pumped on the sideline slapping hands and shouting "They said I can't run the rock! They said I can't run the rock!" Week 4: Ravens coach Brian Billick had this to say about Deion Sanders and his injured hamstring: "When you're 50 years old, you're going to be listed as questionable every week. At that age, questionable is pretty good." Week 4: I looked up "beleaguered" in the dictionary. Here's what I found: adjective. To be worried or distressed. See 49er coach Dennis Erickson. Week 4: I love the new Nike commercial with Vick and the amusement park ride. I think it's somewhat significant however, that there's no passing involved in the Mike Vick ride. Week 4: Like everyone else, Colts coach Tony Dungy was impressed with Brett Favre. "I haven't seen Brett in 3 years and I can't say I miss him." Week 4: Minnesota coach Mike Tice was mic'd on the sidelines and had this advice
for Daunte Culpepper as the Vikings tried to put away the Bears: "Blow Week 4: Washington's Clinton Portis gave ESPN's Alex Flannigan a tour of his house. Portis has a huge aquarium in the headboard of his bed. Said Portis, I was thinking one day, "You know what would be cool? If I had a fish tank over my head." I've always said that. Week 5: My "Hindsight is 20-20" line of the week. I think the biggest mistake San Diego made had nothing to do with Eli Manning or bungling the Phillip Rivers signing. It was selecting a quarterback at all. Drew Brees is fine. He won't win the MVP award anytime soon. But he completed 80% of his passes Sunday. The Chargers have arguably the best running back in the league. But they've got nothing for wide receivers. It's not Peyton Manning - Edgerrin James - Marvin Harrison, but if I'm a Chargers fan, I would love to be sitting on Drew Brees - LaDainian Tomlinson - Roy Williams. The Chargers have to go with Rivers at some point. And he won't have any wide receivers either. But Brees will be a starter in this league somewhere and he'll do well. Week 5: Everything's rosy in New York. "This was a phenomenal win for us," defensive end Michael Strahan said. "Our rate of improvement has been quicker than I expected." It's the surest thing in sports - Winning solves everything. Week 5: Have you ever seen Owen Wilson and Titan TE Shad Meier in the same room? Week 5: Speaking of Roethlisberger, if the concession stands at Heinz Field don't already offer a "Roethlis-Burger", they're missing out. I'm sure Big Ben will be looking to hire me soon once he sees knowledge dropped like that. Week 5: Between the referees in week 3 and the malfunctioning headsets this week, Washington coach Joe Gibbs sure seems to be making a lot of excuses. According to Cleveland's Butch Davis, the headsets go out all the time. I'm just a lowly fantasy football writer, but here's an idea. Run down to Wal-Mart and buy every coach a $40 walkie talkie to stick in their pocket. If the headsets go out, talk on those. I bet Danny Snyder can afford it. And heaven forbid a team have to resort to using hand signals to send the play in to the quarterback. That worked pretty well for the first hundred years or so. Week 5: HBO's Bob Costas had this last week: "It's not only on this program, but television in general, makes the mistake of confusing foolish and loutish behavior with colorful behavior. Colorful and quirky characters are the lifeblood of sports. But over the last many years, we've seen guys who are just louts. And television flocks to them, we can't get enough of them. We want to document their every utterance. Which is almost always dopey." You could put Costas and Stuart Scott in a conversation and it would be like two guys speaking totally different languages. Week 5: Like every other fan in America, I got on Rams coach Mike Martz last week about not running the ball enough. I love how he's sticking by his guns though: "We're fast and furious. That's what we do. We'll run it because we want to run it. Not because somebody says we have to be balanced. That's just the way it is. Get used to it." Of course, I'd point out that between Marshall Faulk and Steven Jackson, the Rams rushed 33 times for 167 yards against just 25 passing attempts in their win over San Francisco. Steve Young was asked who was the hardest hitter he ever faced. Young answered, "The unblocked guy". Week 5: I'm calling it now - Red Sox win the World Series. It's officially "ovah". Seriously. (written October 7 with Boston up 2-0 over Anaheim in the Divisional series) Week 5: I wish Brandon Stokley was a little taller. It'd be easier to compare him to Ed McCaffrey, which as a member of the media, I'm obligated to do since he's a white wide receiver. Week 5: This week's Hard Luck Awards are being renamed the Dave Ballard Awards. Dave's a subscriber and described to me the worst hard luck story I've heard in a long time. As the Monday night game wore down, he needed just 18 rushing yards from Trent Green for the win. With 1:26 left on the clock in the last game of the week, Green was sitting on 20 yards rushing. But Kyle Boller's 4th and 13 pass was incomplete and Baltimore turned the ball over to Kansas City. You know where this is going. Green took three consecutive kneel downs for a loss of one yard each to end the game. He finished with 17yards rushing. That hurts my heart to think about it. On the upside Dave, buck up and be thankful you're not this guy: Week 6: Don't look now, but the Lions are 3-1 overall and 2-0 on the road this year. Have you noticed the degree of Detroit's success is inversely related to how many times you hear the words "Matt Millen" mentioned? Week 6: Brian Billick said this Sunday after their win: "Huge win. This game's about one thing. It's about character." He then gave Jamal Lewis a game ball. In a related story, commissioner Paul Tagliabue said this about Lewis: Week 6: The Panthers' Julius Peppers had the longest runback I've ever seen without scoring a touchdown. He intercepted the ball in the end zone and ran 101 yards to the 3. The play was challenged and even the referee was rattled when he said, "After reviewing the play, it'll be first and goal for California". Week 6: Miami's defensive back coach Bill Lewis looked to his cornerbacks and said, "Let me ask you Pat (Surtain) and Sam (Madison), can we handle #87? Surtain said, "Hell yeah". The next highlight you see is New England's David Givens scoring. Givens is #87. Week 6: At half time, Howie Long and the Fox guys guffawed at how inept Mike Martz was for continuing to pass. Long, in particular, mocked Martz saying he was like the Roy McAvoy golfer in "Tin Cup" who just kept hitting the ball into the water and stupidly asking for another ball to hit into the water. Long laughed and said, "You know Mike, just keep on throwin'." Seahawk fans weren't laughing. Week 6: Miami's Zach Thomas said he wasn't worried about Ricky Williams' character and that he just wanted to win. That reminds me of the line from former Dallas coach Jimmy Johnson, "I'd sign Charles Manson if he could run a 4.3 forty." Week 6: There are two Ayanbadejo's in the league: Miami's Brendon and Arizona's Obafemi. Yet just one Atkins. New Orleans' Ron. Why I notice this stuff I've no idea. Week 6: The Panthers were asked what they knew about Denver RB Rueben Droughns: Week 6: How about Footballguys Player of the week, Dolphin Wes Welker? Kicker Olindo Mare injured his calf and was carted off before the game even started. In comes Walker with exactly zero kicks to his credit as a pro. Even worse, he was 0-1 on kicks as a collegiate player. Welker made a FG and an extra point for Miami. And he also returned 5 kickoffs and 5 punts Nice work. Week 7: Cincinnati's Chad Johnson drew headlines sending the Browns defensive backs bottles of Pepto Bismol. We all know how that turned out. "This is my most frustrating game ever," he said. "I made the challenge. I didn't perform." Browns safety Earl Little had this comeback for Johnson: "I told him, 'Hey, I'm going to FedEx that stuff back to you, because you really need it.' " Are you telling me that Earl Little had all week to think about this and the best he can manage is "Hey, I'm going to FedEx that stuff back to you, because you really need it"? Sheesh. Just use "The jerk store called and they're all out of you" before you come up with trash talk that weak. Or give my ten year old a call. He's got plenty of better lines Little could use. Week 7: For the second week in a row, Washington quarterback Mark Brunell failed to crack 100 yards passing. He dropped back four times in the fourth quarter and did not even attempt a pass on any of those four plays. Week 7: One of the best things about writing Random Shots is that I always get a bunch of cool email from folks. I thought I was the only guy who thought some of these goofy things I think but every week I get the "Hey, I saw that too!" messages. Those are fun. I also get plenty of stuff to keep me grounded as well. Here's my favorite from last week after I asked if ESPN could substitute Chris Mortensen for Kenny Mayne. This is exactly as it came to me: "You want to talk about Kenny Mayne being lame, how about making sure you lines are funny before you tell us someone else ain't." You gotta love that. Week 7: The referee in Minnesota announced that Viking WR Marcus Robinson had "three feet down" on his sideline catch. I knew what he meant of course but my kids thought it was funny. Week 7: What do Courtney Anderson, Ronald Curry, Jerry Porter, Doug Gabriel,
Amos Zereoue, Doug Jolley, J.R. Redmond and Zack Crockett NOT have in common
with Jerry Rice? They all caught a pass for Oakland in Sunday's game. When J.R.
Friggin' Redmond out produces you in the passing game, it's time Week 7: You hate to pile on a guy struggling as badly as Chicago QB Jonathon Quinn, but Rick Telander's line from the Sun Times was too good to pass up. Describing Quinn he said, "He is Cade McNown without peripheral vision." Week 7: As if Lions fans needed any more reason to crash back down to earth. Consider the Green Bay game by looking at it this way: If the Packers had agreed before the game to award Detroit five points for every FIRST DOWN the Lions could muster, Green Bay still would have won the game. Week 7: The more Kansas City loses, the less Dick Vermeil cries. Does that seem odd to you? Week 7: Jake Plummer threw touchdown passes Sunday to Jeb Putzier, Dwayne Carswell and Ashley Lelie. These are not your father's Bronco's. These aren't even Ed McCaffrey's Broncos. I miss Easy Ed and those Pop Warner shoulder pads he used to sport. Week 7: I can't believe Apple ruined their outstanding series of iPod commercials with the U2 thing. The entire concept was the all black silhouette people and now they add the light so you can see it's Bono? Weak. Week 7: Mark Brunell vs Jonathon Quinn. Manning vs Favre this was not. Week 7: Denver's John Lynch could play for my team anytime: "We never get tired of dominating someone. We were talking about it every down in the huddle in the second half: 'Keep them down, keep them down, keep them down."' Week 7: I still smile at the Guinness commercials. Brilliant! Week 8: I got in late as I'd been in Miami for a quick business trip. Rushing to the airport last night, I hailed a cab and asked him to hurry. Three minutes into the ride, I was living the GTA Vice City game racing through the streets of South Beach in a hopped up taxi. I peered over the seat to catch a glimpse of the name badge for the driver. I at least wanted to know who'd be responsible for the crash. I kid you not, his name was Lou Die. I asked him if he wanted to be on the Footballguys All Name team. He just smiled and kept squinting… But hey, I made it. Week 8: The Jaguars' Jimmy Smith made my favorite touchdown celebration move Sunday. It only works when you're the visiting team but I love it when the guy scores and then makes the "shhhhhh" sign to quiet the crowd. Week 8: Ever notice the guy in the Staples ad buying printer cartridges looks just like Mike Sherman? You probably didn't. And that's likely a good thing for you. Week 8: Why do the Chiefs have that goofy looking teddy bear thing for a mascot? Seriously, what a waste of a great opportunity. They should show a little sack and take a cue from Florida State. Chief Osceola riding out to midfield on his Appaloosa and planting a flaming spear in the 50 yard line is the best pre game moment in all of sports. Instead, Chief fans get Banjo Kazooie in a baseball cap. Week 8: Sean Salisbury said on ESPN radio Sunday: "Jay Fiedler at least can complete a pass. Jonathan Quinn can't throw up." Week 8: I said last week that it was a cool move for Steve Largent to offer up his #80 jersey to Jerry Rice. Steve Young actually went so far as to say Largent called and Rice "graciously" accepted Largent's offer and that he's wearing #80 "to honor Steve Largent". Sorry, but that one sent the Footballguys cynic detector into the red zone. I'm also hearing some very different stories that Rice sought out Largent and asked to wear #80. If that's the case, what a way uncool move. Numbers are retired for a reason. So nobody wears that number again. Ever. The ONLY guy who has anything to say different about that is the guy who had his number retired. And even then, it's bad form to ask him. Week 8: "I don't know much about quarterbacks. ... But this guy is pretty damn good." -- Jon Gruden on Brian Griese Week 9: Ravens defensive end Anthony Weaver had this to say regarding Terrell Owens' Ray Lewis dance: "His dance made me sick. But that is karma. It will all come back on him. I do have one thing to say about the dance and that is that I would not want to mess with Ray." I can see that Week 9: Only 2 of Testaverde's 24 passes Sunday fell incomplete. That works out to 92%. Of course only 19 were completed to Cowboy receivers as the Lions intercepted 3 times. Week 9: I found this clip from an article by Monte Poole in the Oakland Tribune
following the Oakland - San Diego game on Halloween: Some masks conveyed frustration, others indignation. One or two masks seemed to project resignation. As for coach Norv Turner, he spent 60 minutes wearing a Bill Callahan disguise that fooled no one. They all knocked on the door of mean old Marty Schottenheimer, who greeted them not with an offer of treats but by cackling in their faces. His San Diego Chargers laid a 42-14 monster-mashing on Oakland on Sunday at Qualcomm Stadium. This was, to be sure, one of the worst whippings the Raiders have absorbed in their history, once glorious and now being covered with dust. They were played, punked, slapped silly and laughed at in public. It was, all in all, the bottom of rock, a disgrace to their tradition and an affront to whatever it was they thought they were supposed to be this season." This just begs to be read aloud by John Facenda. Week 9: The next reporter followed up with a dumb question asking coach Brian Billick if the game unfolded as he wanted. Billick replied, "Yeah, I wanted to go in and lose. You know, I thought I'd start and say, 'You know what? Let's go in, keep it tight, and fumble the ball and let's lose at the end.' " Week 9: Tough weekend for Florida Football: The University of Central Florida, Florida A&M, Florida International, Florida State, University of Florida, University of Miami, Jacksonville Jaguars and the Miami Dolphins all took it on the chin this weekend. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were the only team that didn't lose. But that may have been because they didn't play. Week 9: Seattle's Maurice Morris suffered a concussion during the game. Head coach Mike Holmgren described this exchange with Morris: "I walked up to [Morris] and said, 'Do you know who I am?' He said "Yeah". I said, 'Ok.' I always feel better when they know who I am." Week 9: David Carr won the Post Game Style award sporting the black shirt with the Clint Black Stetson hat. That works for Houston. Week 9: Mike Vick thought of the week: Anyone else tiring of the Jim Mora shtick? According to Mora now, if you say Vick has had a hard time grasping the West Coast offense, what you REALLY mean is that you're bringing up the "black quarterback thing" and according to Mora, you're really saying Vick isn't smart enough. Or something like that. Sorry Coach, when I say he's having a tough time grasping the offense, I mean pretty much what I just said. I'm beginning to think the apple didn't fall far from the "diddlypoo" tree. Week 10: You probably saw Detroit wide receiver Roy Williams pull down the one handed circus catch Sunday. Coach Steve Mariucci just laughed when he turned to Dre' Bly on the sidelines and said, "You teach him that?" Week 10: San Diego tight end Antonio Gates made backup strong safety Mel Mitchell look bad for New Orleans. Doug Flutie was riding Gates on the sideline saying scoring on #40 didn't count. Charger backup QB Phillip Rivers chimed in with, "That dude couldn't cover me." Week 10: Pittsburgh's Ben Roethlisberger threw a touchdown Sunday to TE Jay Riemersma. I'm sure there's a good Scrabble / Wheel of Fortune joke in there somewhere with Roethlisberger to Riemersma. Week 10: "Rock, meet bottom." -- Charlotte Observer staff writer Pat Yasinskas' opening line in Monday morning's recap of the Panthers loss to Oakland. Week 10: Minnesota's Corey Chavous seems like an excitable guy. After Moss scored an early season TD, Chavous shouted, "That boy make it look EASY right there!" Week 10: Mike Irvin described Brian Griese as Goldilocks: "He went to Denver and it was too cold. Went to Miami and it was too hot. But Tampa Bay is just right." Week 10: I've been on the Ben Roethlisberger band wagon since it pulled out from the station. But if you asked me the MVP of that offense, I'd tell you it's guard Alan Faneca. And on defense, linebacker James Farrior doesn't get nearly enough credit nation wide. Week 10: ESPN's Tom Jackson summarized T.O.'s stance: "If you don't throw it to me, bad things will happen." I'm not sure I disagree with that. Week 11: Would anything bad happen if Muhsin Muhammad or Az-Zahir Hakim caught a "Hail Mary" pass? I'm just asking. Week 11: Note to Eli Manning and Drew Henson - welcome to the big leagues, Son. It'll get better. Although it might get worse first. Week 11: Footballguy consigliere, Tyler Chastain, called me up today and asked who I liked best this week among his RBs Ahman Green, Nick Goings and Chester Taylor. And it was a good question. Things move fast around here. Keep up. Week 11: Riddle me this: With Onterrio Smith, Michael Bennett and Moe Williams in the game, how does Daunte Culpepper lead the team in rushing Sunday. And do it with 35 yards? Week 11: Is there a wide receiver in the game who gets hurt more often than Joe Horn? I'm not saying he's not tough as he plays through most all these injuries. But it's sort of the Steve McNair - Peyton Manning thing. Would you rather have a guy like McNair that constantly has to play hurt, or a guy like Manning who isn't always hurt? Week 11: Everyone involved is officially terribly sorry about the Terrell Owens Monday Night Football intro. But then ESPNews ran the story every 10 minutes. And when they weren't running the story, they ran commercials for the offending TV show. I'm sure the ABC / ESPN connection was just a coincidence. Nothing like a little self generated "news" to help further the ratings of a sister show. I don't mind the network cross promoting their products. Just don't act like I'm stupid and offer a fake apology when you're busy shamelessly reaping the rewards of what you're publicly apologizing for. Week 11: How many times is it physically possible for FOX's James Brown to say the word "Pay Dirt" in a 10 second Game Break clip? I honestly think he doesn't have a limit. Week 11: College Football Note. Steve Spurrier will be the new coach at South Carolina. I joked a few weeks ago about Florida Athletic Director Jeremy Foley. Apparently, part of the friction between Spurrier and Foley came when Spurrier was asked to fax his resume into the Florida Athletic Department so they could consider him for the coaching job. Spurrier supposedly told Foley something along the lines of "Stick your head out in the hall and look in the #### trophy case" if he wanted to see Spurrier's resume. That's kinda funny. Week 11: I thought ESPN had found the bottom with the Pete Rose Hu$tle "movie". I saw the preview for "Three" with Dale "All I wanna do is race, Daddy" Earnhardt and realized I was wrong. Is there some kind ofhidden clause in the ESPN original programming contract that stipulates the actor playing the main character must look nothing like the real guy? I'll put good money on there being 10,000 guys at the next Panthers game who look more like Earnhardt than the guy ESPN found. Week 11: Speaking of the Manning - Marino thing, Troy Aikman put the 48 TD mark into perspective. "It took me three seasons to get 48 TDs". Week 11: I don't know where you draw the "line" for hair. But I'm pretty sure Pittsburgh's Troy Polamalu is pushing it. Week 11: Carolina Punter Todd Sauerbrun has been fined roughly $40,000 this season for not making his weight, 217 pounds. With kicker John Kasay injured, Sauerbrun told the team he'd handle the kicking duties if they refunded some of his money. Coach John Fox nipped that in the proverbial bud: ''I hate to disappoint him, but he ain't kicking and he ain't getting his money back.'' Week 12: Would the Samuel Adams guy on the commercials be a better spokesman if he wasn't sporting the Opera Man hair? Week 12: Glitch in the Matrix. In the Jacksonville - Minnesota game, both quarterbacks Byron Leftwich and Daunte Culpepper threw 19 passes for 235 yards and 1 TD. Week 12: Nike's Phil Knight is stepping down as CEO. Rumors that he'll be replaced in a cost cutting measure by a twelve year old girl from Taiwan are apparently false. Week 12: There's a very interesting low profile story brewing in Cincinnati. Chad Johnson suffered a head injury that caused him to lose short term memory. He said after the game that he didn't remember hardly anything. An interesting video is here. Head coach Marvin Lewis has essentially said Johnson is lying about the injury and that Johnson was fine. I wouldn't put exaggerating reality past Chad Johnson but this seems to me a case of the Bengals covering their butt. If Johnson is lying on this video, he's a better actor than I've been giving him credit for. Week 12: You gotta love Ricky Williams: "At least I quit before all the fantasy drafts. Let's face it: If I'd quit after the drafts, the fans would all hate me." He's got a pretty good point. Week 12: Arizona's Denny Green has named rookie John Navarre the starting QB for this week benching both Josh McCown and Shaun King. I bet that'll solve all their problems… Week 12: New York's Norman Hand suffered a groin injury Sunday. Maybe it's because I'm still mentally stuck in the fifth grade, but he had the best actual headline of the year: "Giant Hand Pulls Groin." Week 12: I love the NFL Network's "Playbook" show. Solomon Wilcotts is excellent. I love the title of his feature, "Playbook of Solomon". That kills me. Week 13: Great snap shot Sunday in Baltimore. As the clock ticked down and Shayne Graham prepared to attempt the game winning field goal, former starter and now backup QB Jon Kitna was grinning from ear to ear as he hugged Carson Palmer's neck. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning squinting with anticipation and then straining his eyes to see the kick go through the uprights. That's just right on so many levels. Week 13: Carolina kicker John Kasay made a 40 yard field goal Sunday but a penalty nullified the kick and moved the ball back 10 yards. Coach John Fox sent the punt team in but Kasay stood his ground emphatically waving them off. He eventually won out and kicked the ball through for a 50 yard field goal. Defensive back Artrell Hawkins shouted in the locker room afterwards, "How about John Kasay waving off the punt team?" That was so gangsta!" Coach Fox smiled and spun it this way, "We had a miscommunication on the sideline. One of our coaches was yelling for punt, and basically we saw the yard line and changed our mind. ... And John helped." Week 13: My six year old son, Jake, hopped into my lap Sunday right at the end of the Cincinnati - Baltimore game. I was explaining the game situation to him and he was pretty excited as the Bengals were driving for the win. With 33 seconds left, Carson Palmer completed a 22 yard pass to Chad Johnson. He cheered. On the next play, Rudi Johnson ran up the middle gaining one yard. He sort of smiled. With 17 seconds left, Palmer took a 2 yard loss in an ugly sort of dive / kneel down in order to center the ball. Jake looked up and me and said, "Well, that sucked." Week 14: According to Sporting New columnist Dan Pompei, A.J. Feeley took a shot against the Seahawks that swelled one side of his lower back and buttocks to two and a half times the size of the other side. The injury was so grotesque, Dolphins officials took photos and the bruise remained two weeks later. Feeley's girlfriend, U.S. women's soccer star Heather Mitts had this to say. "Did you see his butt? It looks like Barney's." Week 14: Philadelphia's Freddie Mitchell threw a tantrum in the end zone when he beat the corner but McNabb didn't throw him the ball. The Eagles were up by 38 at the time. Week 14: I've heard Jay Leno say he's afraid to take a vacation because he doesn't want to give anyone else a shot at his job. Watching Suzy Kolber Monday on ESPN's countdown show, that's advice Stuart Scott might want to take note of. Week 14: I love Eagles coach Andy Reid. He doesn't sound like he'll let the team get complacent: "You throw down a couple of cheese burgers and you move on." That's classic. Week 15: I can't believe anyone would accuse David Boston of steroid use. Taking a look at guys like Thomas Jones and Michael Pittman, I'm sure it was just something in the Arizona water. I'm not real smart, but I can connect the dots there. By the way, I have absolutely no confirmation on this picture from Boston's rookie season taken before he began his "nutritional supplementation program". Week 15: Anyone else wonder if the rash of Titan injuries are just cosmic payback for Jeff Fisher mocking the "official" injury report each week listing players as either questionable or out with never any probable or doubtful guys? I kind of do. Week 15: From the "I'm Glad Ron Jaworski Didn't Say This" file: When asked who was the toughest player he faced, ESPN's Mike Irvin said, "Wilbur Marshall. He had those big lips and he didn't put any Carmex on. And he was red eyed and he was dark in that uniform. I don't know how tough he was, but he was scary looking." Week 15: Watching some of these guys patch themselves together each Sunday doing whatever they have to do to get on the field (including plenty of things we'd probably rather not know about), I have to chuckle at the baseball snobs who fawned over Curt Schilling's incredible "toughness" for playing with a little blood on his sock… Week 15: Like his counterpart, Chad Johnson, Bengals wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh has plenty of confidence. "If they throw me the ball," he said. "I'll catch the ball." But he's still learning how to talk to the media. Regarding last week's game, he had this gem: "I felt like we were going to beat them; We just didn't get it done," Houshmandzadeh said. "Man, they know we're better than them. I don't want you all to write that, though. So, if you all write that, you all put 'I don't want you to write that.'" Week 15: San Diego's LaDainian Tomlinson was pretty funny when asked what he thought of the Chargers preseason #32 ranking. "I never thought we were the worst team. I said, 'We're better than somebody. At least we're better than Arizona or San Francisco or somebody.' " Week 15: Can someone please explain to me why the Ravens need male cheerleaders? This might be the most disturbing thing I've seen all weekend. Week 15: I've never heard him sing, but Philadelphia's Jevon Kearse sounds exactly like Barry White when he talks. Week 15: I'll put NFL Films cinematography up with anyone in the world. They're consistently top notch. I love the new Happy Holidays ad the league is running. Roethlisberger drops back in slow motion. The side judge backpedals. The camera follows the arcing football into the hands of Plaxico Burress for a touchdown. Burress runs to the wall and hands the football to a kid wearing a #80 jersey. Kid's face explodes into a smile as his eyes light up. All while "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" plays. Two thumbs up. Week 16: New drinking game for you: Every time ESPN's Paul Maguire says some version of "Let me tell you something", you take a shot. Acceptable entries will be "Let me tell you what", "Let me tell you", "I gotta tell you" and "I'll tell you what." Do NOT plan on driving after this game. You probably won't stay vertical through halftime… Week 16: Cool move Sunday night. Indianapolis intercepted a Kyle Boller pass giving the Colts 1st and goal from the Ravens' 4. There was :59 left on the clock and the Colts were leading 20-10. Peyton Manning was one passing TD from tying Dan Marino's record. It appeared that the Indy coaching staff had called a pass. Instead, Manning audibled out and took a kneel down. You could see some confusion among the Indianapolis coaching staff on the sidelines. The crowd booed as Manning closed the game out with a second kneel down. Afterwards, Manning said, "That's just how you play. Now if they'd have called a timeout, it might have been different." Week 16: What do Tyrone Calico, Musa Smith and Terrell Owens all have in common? They suffered severe lower leg injuries after a Roy Williams "Horse Collar" type tackle where Williams grabbed the player's shoulder pad collar from behind and then rolled up on him. Musa Smith's season ending leg fracture was probably the most graphic example (warning - link is not for those with a weak stomach). The Terrell Owens play was similar as well with Williams grabbing Owens' shoulder pad collar and pulling him off balance and down. I see no way you'd ever legislate this type of tackling. And I'm not saying Williams is intentionally trying to take people out. I'm just suggesting that three instances in one season may be more than coincidence. Intentional or not, you'll be hard pressed to deny that it's not effective. Week 16: Rams coach Mike Martz didn't hold back on his criticism of Chris Chandler: "I had no idea what he was doing." Week 16: Seattle's Darrel Jackson was asked if he had anything to say to the fans of Seattle. "Thanks for supporting me, keep it up and don't boo me no more when I drop the ball," he said. Good luck with that, Darrell… Week 16: Cleveland coach Terry Robiskie gave his version of the John Heisman "It would have been better to die as a small boy than to fumble this football" speech Sunday. Robiskie said, "The young guys have got to understand, there's more to it than your ability. This thing in my hand, this football, you have got to cherish it. You've got to protect it. It is your life. It is your livelihood. And at that position, and again, I know there's always a theory with this business, that you got to be careful with your quarterbacks. You don't want to blow his confidence. You don't want to screw with his psyche. I don't want to do any of them things. But I want to get my message: That this (football) is the most important thing in the world, this ball in my hand. Week 16: Baltimore's Ed Reed shouted to his teammates Sunday night that he thought Peyton Manning was scared. Reed said, "He's got fear in his heart. I can smell it!". I'm not sure what Reed was smelling, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't fear. The whole Raven "We Hunters!" thing is getting a little tired. It was good in October. In December, not so much. Week 17: How bad has it been for Tennessee? Every fan at the Coliseum last Saturday was to receive a free Santa hat, courtesy of the Titans, but a train carrying the shipment of more than 68,000 of the hats derailed. Week 17: Agent Joel Segal earns my vote as smartest guy in the NFL by a landslide. Anyone who can convince Arthur Blank that Mike Vick and his 76.6 passer rating are worth 100 million dollars is a genius in my book. See all the passer ratings here. Week 17: "They're sitting there worried about Baltimore and Pittsburgh. They should have been worried a little bit about us." -- Texans defensive end Gary Walker on Jacksonville overlooking Houston. Week 17: Is there a more irritating actress on TV than the "AOL Mom"? I think not. Week 17: I saw Dennis Miller pitching Netzero recently. That's a long ways to fall. Moral of the story? Don't cross Al Michaels... Week 17: Scary moment in the New Orleans game when umpire Jeff Rice was caught up in the tackle and suffered a bloody forehead. I honestly don't see why this doesn't happen all the time. I've been saying it forever but no one seems to care or listen - You'll see the officials wearing helmets at some point. Why not now? Week 17: Funniest line on ESPN in a while comes from their TILT previews: "I've got an in with the Matador." They apparently call this guy "The Matador" because of his devastating capacity for "luring young bulls into the ring." The cheese factor is off the charts there. Even for poker. And that's saying something. Week 17: How bad is it in Washington? Ifeanyi Ohalete still hasn't collected the $40,000 Clinton Portis owes him for giving up his 26 jersey number and Ohalete says he'll take Portis to court if something doesn't happen soon. "It's up to Mr. Portis as to whether this thing will go all the way to trial," said Ohalete's attorney, John Steren. Week 17: On third and six, Seattle QB Trent Dilfer stumbled for a seven yard gain. "That's just lack of athleticism," Dilfer said. "I was just trying to keep my eyes up so my head wouldn't fall." Shaun Alexander said, "I was thinking, 'Run faster! I was wishing he had my legs there." And finally, Mike Holmgren added, "That was the longest 7-yard run I've ever seen." That'll do it for this year, Folks. Thanks for playing along and letting me share these thoughts with you. Have a great post season and I'll see you soon. And yes, I still miss Melissa Stark… Joe *************************************** While most of these things just pop into my head, I don't do it all by myself. Thanks to these Footballguys who over the season helped me out with this column: Bob Harris, Tyler Chastain, Will Grant, Matt Edwards, Max Hunt, Greg Porzucek, Utter Chaos, Hipple, Ben Ledyard, Tom Mellinger, Mark Rogers, Robert Umberger, Wilked, Texas Yankee, Mr. Know it All, Minneapolis Steve, Da Masses, Steve Dube, Dennis Donnelly, Scott Rappaport, Chad Austin, Brian Detterman, Scott Conrad, Dan Bragg, apalmer, Todd Anderson and Steve Tourek. |
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