Hi Folks, Due to some heavy travel the last few days, I’ve asked my Buddy and Footballguy Bob Harris to guest write our Random Shots this week. Bob’s the owner of www.tflreport.com and one of the guys who got me started in this business. Plus, he’s a bigger smart aleck than I am. He covered for me this week and then I’ll be back in the saddle again for the last two editions of Random Shots to finish out the season. Have at it Bob! Joe Week 16 Random Shots by Bob Harris First of all, I'd just like to say it's an honor to be asked to help out with one of my favorite weekly reads. ... That being the case, I'll get the ball rolling by following up -- and offering my two cents worth -- on a couple items Joe touched on in recent weeks: 1) Given the quality of work he's turned in the last month (starting with that ridiculous Peter Pan thing featuring a handful of Buccaneers), the fact that Kenny Mayne still has a job lends considerable credence to my belief that there is no such thing as a pink slip at ESPN. ... 2) When I write the words "Read this," the unwritten "you" is implied. As in: "(You) read this." Much like the "'s money" is implied in the seemingly endless and ongoing series of diamond commercials currently assaulting the airwaves. As in: "I love this man('s money). ... I love this man('s money). ..." 3) The two Don Cheadle NFL ads that debuted last weekend blow the Kiefer Sutherland NHL ads right out of the freakin' water. 4) Re: The Junction Boys. ... Although I've heard it was actually a decent flick, I simply couldn't convince myself to tune in to a movie that relied on the following items as key selling points a. Tom Berenger's "steeliest glare since 'Platoon. ...'" [Wooooooooo!] b. "An emotional, raw-boned hunk of a movie. ..." [I'm not real sure I wanna watch an emotional, raw-boned hunk of anything, thank you very much. ...] On to new bidness. ... Does anybody on earth look more uncomfortable or out of place than Marshall Faulk watching from the sidelines -- in uniform -- as the Rams' offense goes about its business without him? The short answer, of course, is yes. ... Ask anybody unfortunate enough to spend an hour and a half this year watching Chris Myers try to keep up with Michael Irvin, comedian Tommy Davidson, Tony Siragusa, a live band, dancing girls and a studio audience on FOX Sports Net's The NFL Show. ... Which reminds me. ... Memo to the ad wizards responsible for replacing last year's Sunday morning FOX offering -- a highly informative mélange featuring Myers, Boomer Esiason, Marv Levy, Deacon Jones and the always amusing Jay Mohr -- with the above mentioned, hip-hop train wreck being foisted upon us in its place: The difference between that wizard's hat and a dunce cap is VERY slim indeed, friends. ... The Kevin Faulk Award (Formerly Hard Luck Award): Deuce McAllister, playing with a sprained ankle, rushed for 69 yards on 18 carries for the Saints. He had a 78-yard touchdown run nullified by a holding call. ... The Waste Not, Want Not Award Jay Fiedler directed a 97-yard touchdown drive, the Dolphins' longest since 1989. Travis Minor capped it with a 4-yard scoring run. ... Thanks guys. ... I'm not especially high on Cardinal halfback Marcel Shipp, but after spending most of the first half listening to ESPN's Sunday night crew repeatedly remind me he lacks the speed necessary to provide the Cardinals with a legitimate big-play threat -- nobody was cheering any louder when he hauled that third-quarter screen pass 80 yards for a touchdown. ... I'm not saying Warren Sapp can't play effectively at 3,000 pounds -- or whatever his current weight is. He can. ... But still can’t figure out why a fella with all that natural talent and ability wouldn't want to see what he might be capable of if he showed up in good physical condition one year. ... Do you think it might be because it wouldn't get his mug on TV any more often or make him any more money? Me too. ... I spend a fair amount of time reviewing the work of columnists from around the nation. ... Here are a few of this past weekend's highlights: From John McClain of the Houston Chronicle (Sunday, Dec. 15): "Larry Centers on staying motivated at a time when the playoffs are a pipe dream: 'I can imagine what an attorney must feel like when all the evidence is stacked against his client. Or what a surgeon is feeling when everyone else is saying his patient doesn't have a chance." From CNNSI's Monday Morning Quarterback by Peter King (Monday, Dec. 16): "When Will Allen, the Giants' young cornerback, attended a function in New York City last week, he found himself face-to-face with Lynn Swann. ... Allen had never heard of Swann. He asked if some tape of Swann was available so that he could watch when he went back to the Giants' facility the next day. ..." From Denver Post sports writer Adam Schefter (Sunday, Dec. 15): "Laugh now at the Cardinals. But they are in position to have the most successful offseason of any NFL team. The Cardinals are scheduled to be $40 million under the salary cap after this season, and that does not include the money they'll save once they dump running back Thomas Jones. The other NFC team in great shape is the Vikings, who are scheduled to be about $22.5 million under the salary cap." From ESPN.com Len Pasquarelli's Morning After column (Monday, Dec. 16): "Quick, which tailback has the most games of 125-plus yards in 2002? If you said Travis Henry of Buffalo, you're right. ... When Kerry Collins went to the bench on Sunday, replaced by Jesse Palmer, it marked the first time since Nov. 21, 1999 that someone other than Collins took a snap for the Giants. ..." In a column published last Thursday, SportsLine.com insider Pete Prisco noted that Steve McNair's performance against the Giants was even more impressive was the fact he continued to play after the pain-killing injection he took prior to kickoff began to wear off in the third quarter. He also played with a hole cut into the toe of his right shoe to alleviate the pain caused by his turf toe. ... Asked before Monday night's win over the Patriots what it might to keep McNair off the field, teammate Derrick Mason shot back: "A body cast." Seattle's 30-24 victory at Atlanta was the 22nd overtime game of the season, breaking the NFL record set in 1995, and no team has contributed more than the Falcons -- 1-2-1 in four OT games. There has been at least one overtime game in 12 of the 15 weeks this year. Which reminds me. ... At one point during Sunday's festivities, the NFL.com Live Scoreboard read as follows: Tampa Bay 23; Detroit 20 (Final) San Diego 13; Buffalo 13 (2:00 remaining in the fourth quarter) Seattle 24; Atlanta 24 (17 second remaining in regulation) Chicago 20; New York Jets 13 (Final) Baltimore 23; Houston 19 (1:15 left in the fourth quarter) Indianapolis 28; Cleveland 23 (2:48 left in the fourth quarter) New Orleans 31; Minnesota 24 (1:57 left in the fourth quarter) Oakland 17; Miami 23 (Final) That, my friends, is almost a parody of parity. ... Hey! Am I the only out there bothered by ESPN's ongoing "Jerry-Springerization" of Chris Mortensen? As a longtime fan, I find it more than a little irritating that the folks in Bristol feel Mort is best administered in the form of 30-second sound bytes that are clearly designed to be more sensational and controversial than informative (does anybody remember his recent on-air apology for reporting that Jets' owner Woody Johnson was asking players for money back?). ... And what about the constant teases promising useful tidbits like lineup changes -- which seem to lead to nothing more further teases, courtesy of an overly made-up Mortensen himself? The latest transgression? How about pretending to pick up the ol' cell phone like he's working on a story during the end of his segment on Monday Night Countdown? It's downright Mort-ifying. ... The "Grab, Grab, Grab. ... Doesn't Anybody Tackle Anymore" Bowl: TD Clinton Portis, 51 Yd run (Jason Elam kick is good), 12:01. Drive: 6 plays, 79 yards in 2:59. TD Dante Hall, 75 Yd pass from Trent Green (Morten Andersen kick is good), 11:28. Drive: 2 plays, 75 yards in 0:24. TD Clinton Portis, 66 Yd pass from Brian Griese (Jason Elam kick is good), 3:53. Drive: 1 play, 66 yards in 0:15. TD Dante Hall, 49 Yd pass from Trent Green (Morten Andersen kick is good), 8:15. Drive: 7 plays, 80 yards in 1:52. I wanted to document all the missed tackles on the four plays listed above, but my computer only has a gig of RAM. ... In case you missed it, here's the chart coaches rely on to decide whether to go for a two-point conversion or kick an extra point after scoring a touchdown: Go for 1 Leading by: 2, 3, 6-11, 13, 14, 16-18 Trailing by: 3, 6-8, 10, 13-15, 17, 18 Go for 2 Leading by: 1, 4, 5, 12, 15 Trailing by: 1, 2, 5, 9, 11, 12, 16 Quote of the Weak: "That was a major error. We've got coaches counting, we've got players counting, and we still can't count to 11." -- Cincinnati head coach Dick LeBeau, after the Bengals were penalized for 12 men on the field during a punt return, giving Jacksonville a second chance and leading the Jaguars to a 29-15 victory. Bob Harris www.tflreport.com