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Hi Folks, Hard to believe
we�re wrapping up the regular season.��
It�s been a wild ride and I hope you�ve enjoyed it.�� In many ways,
the Random Shots has been my favorite thing to write because when you boil it
down, it�s really just an article about watching Football.�� And that�s pretty cool. With that said,
I can�t think of a better way to spend the last day of 2002 than writing the
final installment of this season�s Random Shots.�� I�ve pulled a few �best of� lines from previous weeks, and I�ve
even grabbed a few lines readers have sent me.�� Bottom line is that it�s been a fun article to write for you
guys and thanks for reading. Let�s have at
it. Joe ************************************* Joe Bryant Owner � www.Footballguys.com Random Shots 2002 Final
Edition Who says this has been a
weird year?�� Week 17 is over and the Cincinnati
Bengals�are on the clock.�� That�s
pretty normal. Speaking of the draft, the
two biggest Jon Kitna fans ever?��
Carson Palmer and Byron Leftwich.�� They may have dodged a bullet with Kitna�s
late season charge. And speaking of the pro
prospects, the Football world lost a good one this week with the passing of 49
year old Joel Buchsbaum.� Mr. Buchsbaum of course was
Pro Football Weekly�s Draft Guru.�� In a
field where obnoxious talking heads is too much the norm, Mr. Buchsbaum was a
thoughtful, hyper-intelligent class act and he�ll be missed. Atlanta lost the game Sunday
because they ran 4 straight plays inside the Cleveland 4 yard line and could
not score.�� Not one of those plays was
a rush by Mike Vick.�� Somebody
check Dan Reeves� medicine cabinet and see if �Impaired Judgment� is a
known side effect of Zoloft� I kind of like the Eagle�s
QB A.J. Feeley.�� He did a Brett
Favre like move this weekend yanking up Michael Strahan by his shoulder
pads after the play.�� Michael Strahan
is not an easy guy to yank up by the shoulder pads� You knew it�d be interesting
when Keyshawn Johnson was the featured player on the �Mic�d up� segment
where a player is wired for sound during a game.�� Best part was when Johnson got in the face of one of the
Defensive Lineman after a tackle calling him a �Fake a** John Randle��� Johnson takes two steps back toward the
huddle and turns around to shout again �Yeah, you�re just a fake a** John
Randle�.�� Steps out of the huddle for
one more shout �fake a** John Randle���
He then turns to QB Brad Johnson and says, �Sorry Brad, I�m gonna
get you killed.� I told you the other day
that they play the William Tell Overture before the kickoff in
Indianapolis.�� The Giants play
AC/DC�s Hell�s Bells.�� Detroit
plays Ozzy Osbourne.�� Draw your own
conclusions. It seems like a long time
ago that Washington � Dallas was a meaningful game�� Although Spurrier vs Parcells next year will most
definitely be interesting. Small thing that might go
unnoticed.�� Emmitt Smith was
clearly disappointed with his role and performance in Sunday�s game.�� He was totally ineffective while in the
game and then spent time on the sidelines watching� Troy Hambrick run the ball.�
Hambrick ripped off a long run which you might think would make Smith
feel even worse.�� Hambrick�s run was
called back by a holding call on Antonio Bryant.�� Smith jumped off the sidelines onto the field getting in
Bryant�s face reprimanding him for the hold that cost his team and Hambrick the
yards.�� That�s a team player. Stuart Scott looks like Carlton from the Fresh Prince.�� Why is a WR ever called for
a pick?�� All they have to do is keep
running their route. My favorite NFL
Referee?�� Tom White, # 123.� Mostly because he looks like Alfred
Hitchcock�� http://members.fortunecity.com/schwarr/pics/white2.jpg�� Did you know the Field Judge on his crew is
named Boris?�� I don�t make this stuff
up. He seems like a decent guy
but how in the world does Marty Mornhinweg still have a job in Detroit? How much money is Joey
Harrington making?�� I�m sure it�s
enough he can afford a haircut.�� He�s
got the Beatles thing going. With his audibles, I don�t
know why Peyton Manning even bothers to call a play in the huddle.�� Have you seen the ads during
the Sunday Ticket games on Direct TV where they say, �Sunday Ticket brought to
you by Microsoft�.?� I thought Sunday
Ticket was brought to me by the $149 I paid them� Does
sideline reporter Pam Oliver have more than the normal number of teeth?�� I like Jeremy Shockey
just as much as the next guy.� But has
there ever been more talk about a player that took 16 games to get his 2nd
TD?�� With that said, Clinton
Portis is my hands down Rookie of the Year.�� My interest in College
Football these days lies primarily in what players will be coming out each
year.�� I�ll watch the Championship game
but what�s up with playing on January 3?��
In a couple of years, they can have the Super Bowl and the BCS
Championship game on the same weekend. Do you think Mike
Holmgren watches Green Bay highlights on Sportscenter and wonders what he�s
done? The more I watch this game,
the more I�m convinced it�s all about three things. QB Play Turnover Ratios Red Zone Defense Tiki Barber had a great game rushing the ball Saturday but
coughed up four fumbles losing three of them.��
If Matt Bryant had missed that last field goal, I wonder if
Barber would have called him out like he did earlier in the year? What happened Sunday?�� Moe Williams, Zack Crockett, and Stacey
Mack run the ball between the 20�s while Michael Bennett, Charlie
Garner, and Fred Taylor get the short yardage TDs?� That was weird. However you want to define
�it�, New England had it last year.�� I
think this year, �it� is residing with the Jets. The
ESPN �State Fair� commercial where it�s supposed to be a play (or
something) is without a doubt the worst commercial on TV.�� I refuse to believe the agency that creates
the Sportscenter ads has anything to do with these spots. What a cool moment when the
fans thundered their appreciation for veteran QB Vinny Testeverde.�� If there�s ever been a QB transitioned
handled with class, it was Testeverde to Pennington.�� I credit both guys but especially Vinny. I�ve never understood the
guys who are in love with Bonnie Bernstein.�� I guess there�s some practical advantages to being attracted to
the average looking �girl next door� type.�
But why not just go talk to the girl next door?�� I will give her some props for going
without the umbrella in the rain Saturday.��
I�d say it�s probably because she forgot her umbrella though. It
was revealed last week that the Vikings had instituted a self imposed �10
Mississippi� pass rush this season.��
So that was the problem. Kind of cool to see Doug
Flutie sitting next to Drew Brees in the stands at the Holiday Bowl
game.�� You think Flutie and Rob Johnson
went to many off the field events together in Buffalo? I
like Cris Collingsworth.��
Oakland�s Charlie Garner was hit late and out of bounds on a
play.�� He said, �If that hit would�ve
been on a quarterback, they�d put the guy in jail��� He doesn�t pass up many shots to rib Troy Aikman. Who came up with the idea
that everyone had to wear the jackets and sweatshirts with the team name in
�Dodger� style script?� �Bill Cowher looked like he was wearing
Tommy Lasorda�s pajamas. I�m not a big Bill
Romanowski fan, but the fact he hasn�t missed a game since Jr. High is
pretty amazing.�� Watching the commercials I
start feeling old because I remember when cell phones were about talking on the
phone. Here�s an interesting stat
line from a few weeks back:� C.Fuamatu-Ma'afala rush for 1 yard (tackle by M.Kemoeatu).�� That�s a lot of vowels for one yard� One
of the fun things about football is getting to teach kids about it if they�re
interested.�� I�m talking to my 8 year
old son, during ESPN�s Primetime about team names.�� He�s interested in why some teams have names of the city while
other teams like Arizona or Minnesota use the state name.��� He�s pretty good knowing what cities are
in each state.�� I think I have him
pretty well lined out on the state vs city thing about the time that the Seattle
vs Washington highlights come on� Aaron Brooks is right on that edge of being a good QB but you have
a feeling it might go way wrong soon.�
He�s like one of those �big boned� girls who isn�t big yet, but you just
sort of know is a few Krispy Kremes away from blowing up into Anna Nicole.� Would
Mike Vick be the best Flag Football QB in history?�� You�d never touch the guy. Certainly the big record
breaking event of the year was Emmitt Smith eclipsing Payton�s yardage
mark. Coolest moment for me was
the sideline embrace with Daryl �Moose� Johnston.�� You probably saw Emmitt hug his Mom and his
wife.� Then he hugged Jerry Jones
and then Michael Irvin.� Each hug
was pretty much a short quick thing.��
He looked very happy but not overwhelmed.�� As he finally made his way
to embrace Johnston, the crowd just erupted in the famous �Mooooooooose�
roar.�� You realized then that the whole
stadium was watching Smith on the sidelines.��
And that they well remembered Moose.��
Emmitt stepped back and looked at Johnston and gave him a 2nd
long hug.�� He pulled back and then just
grabbed him in a third embrace overcome with emotion.�� Clearly Johnston was in a different class from the others. I wasn�t sure that Emmitt
knew Johnston was wired and broadcasting live.�� You could hear muffled words from Smith and Johnston saying �it
was fun�.�� Very cool to see Smith acknowledge
a guy like Johnston who played such a vital part in helping Smith do what he
did.�� Great picture of Excellence and
Team Work which are a couple of things that make Sports cool. Emmitt Smith to his credit,
seemed to downplay the actual event and looked as if he wanted to just get back
to continuing the game.�� That was
cool.� Chris Berman said Sunday morning
that he thought every game around the league should be stopped at that moment
the record was broken to pay homage.��
Puh-leease. Steve McNair is living Alan Iverson�s dream season.�� No practices� I like Al Davis and
the Raiders but I dunno that I�d ever get an Al Davis Tattoo�� http://www.raidermerchandise.com/tattoopage.htm�� Gotta love the caption of �Hale the
Godfather�� But speaking of Mr. Davis, I
don�t hear as many people talking about what an idiot he is for letting Jon
Gruden slip away.�� The Raiders
saved a ton of money in addition to gaining some key draft pics.�� And Oakland doesn�t seem to be dying
without Gruden. Denver DT Lional �Jelly
Roll� Dalton said his Saturday night meal was a Double Cheeseburger, Slab
of Ribs, Chocolate Cake and Ice Cream.�
You gotta like that� You have to check out the Ryan
Leaf video detailing his career.�� http://www.brokennewz.com/sports/leaf.asp� With every purchase of this video, you can
receive an actual intercepted game ball thrown and signed by Leaf* *Offer available only to the
first 10,000 orders The �in depth� TV segments
with the athlete profiles kill me.��
Honestly, do people really want to know that stuff?� I�ve got as much interest in Curtis
Martin�s art collection as I do Tom Cruise�s political views.�� Maybe it�s shallow, but I�m interested in
these guys because they play football. Tony Kornheiser puh-leeze get rid of the comb over.�� There�s no shame in losing your hair.�� But pasting eight strands of hair across
your bald head is embarrassing. Is anyone else more than a
little interested to see how Bill Parcells fares without Bill
Belichick?�� I am. Maybe I was paying more
attention, but didn�t an awful lot of guys puke on camera this year?� Those �leaving it all on the field� lines
never get old��� The TV replay showed pretty
clearly that Michael Bennett didn�t score on his TD.�� But the Lions didn�t react quick enough to
challenge.�� I don�t understand
this.�� Why does the team not have a guy
sitting somewhere (anywhere) in front of a TV with a cell phone in his hand
with his finger on the speed dial button.��
He calls the �challenge guy� standing on the sidelines who can alert the
coach.�� Whole thing would take 5
seconds. Great feature on the
personal chef Eddie George employs and the super healthy food he
eats.� Ricky Williams and Tim
Brown employ a high tech nutritionist that selects food types based upon
the athlete�s blood samples.� Williams
spoke about how his body was so finely in tune that if did not eat the right
food at the right time, he could feel the effects immediately. Then they went grocery
shopping with Denver WR Rod Smith.��
He�s in the cereal aisle and says, �You can�t go wrong with Fruity
Pebbles.�� This might be one of the
best cereals ever.� Seriously�.�� Then he admitted his pre game meal was Burger
King. ��You gotta like that. I wonder if Jerry Jones
likes Johnnie Cochran telling him how he�ll hire a new coach? One of the more outspoken
critics of Terrell Owens� �Sharpie� incident was DT John Randle who said
Owens� actions were �an embarrassment to the league�.�� Yes, that�s the same John Randle who once sacked the QB, dropped
down to all fours like a dog and then lifted his leg pretending to urinate on
the field.�� Does he think nobody
remembers that? I don�t understand the
problem with owners standing on the sidelines.�� If owned the an NFL team, you can bet I�d be down there.�� What, the owner of the company isn�t
allowed on the factory floor? Funny exchange Sunday as the
ESPN guys were peppering Bill Parcells with questions on the Dallas
job.�� Steve Young pipes in with
�Here�s the real question � Do you need a washed up left handed quarterback?� If ESPN ever goes out of
business, I�m pretty sure you�ll be able to look back and see that the downfall
started with the Beg, Borrow, and Deal show� Rich Gannon had every bit of 30 seconds to find TE Doug Jolley
on their TD. How cool was it to see Darrell
Green go out in style?�� Green was
visibly moved before the game. I don�t know which coach
called the reverse on the punt return to Green but that was classic.�� What a great picture with Champ Bailey
handing off to him as the past and future cornerbacks. Announcers say Washington�s Chris
Doering reminds them of Ed McCaffrey.�� I think it�s in the contract that you�re obligated to say any
tall white WR reminds you of Ed McCaffrey� Ricky Williams set the Dolphin Rushing TD record.�� Were you surprised that the record of 15
TDs was held by Karim Abdul Jabar?��
That seems like a long time ago. If you�ve got a couple of
days to kill, get lost in my Buddy and Footballguy Doug Drinen�s
outstanding site www.football-reference.com�� Hate to keep beating a dead
horse on the Detroit overtime debacle of a few weeks ago but had to share this
thought with you.�� Marty Mornhinweg
would be a great guy to play Russian Roulette with.�� I bet he�d offer to go first� From the �Picture is Worth a
Thousand Words�, here�s the current state of Major League Baseball:� http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/baseball/2002/allstar/news/2002/07/09/allstar_game_ap/lg_selig_ap.html Remember when NFL teams had
two uniforms � one for home and one for away? Cardinals changed again
Sunday with all white.�� An NFL lineman
in all white is not a good thing. I don�t understand how
they�re going to make the new Dragnet show work. Can they not find the NFL
refs a white hat that doesn�t look like the grand Pooh-Bah?�� Did you see Joe Horn
in warmups?�� Borrowing George Clooney�s
Ocean�s Eleven line, �Ted Nugent called and wants his shirt back�. Watching some of the old NFL
Film stuff with George Allen leading his team in the locker room with a
rousing cheer if �Hip Hip Hooray!���
This game has changed. Note to Jim Nantz �
Nice turtleneck.�� I bet he can�t wait
for the PGA Tour to start�� A few weeks
ago he said, �The Vikings are looking rather feisty today�.�� I�m not making that up. Anyone else find it
uncomfortable for Pat Summerall to talk so glowingly about Darrell Green
being able �to go out on his own terms�� Have you ever noticed that
while the ESPN guys are always talking about offense and occasionally defense, Bill
Parcells almost always brings up how Special Teams will impact the
game?�� Think he knows what he�s talking
about?�� Me too. Riddle me this:�� Dave Wannstedt arrives at the
stadium where just a few people see him dressed to the nines in a very sharp
coat and tie.�� When he steps on the
field in front of 80,000 people and no telling how many television viewers, he
wears a sweatshirt.�� I bet it�s hard for Chris
Chandler to remember which team to throw to when he drops back as he�s
played for half of them� I live in Tennessee so it
was sacrilege for me to admit I liked Steve Spurrier this Summer.�� I honestly thought he�d do better.�� In Sunday�s interview, he was definitely a
humbled guy.� When asked what he
learned, he said, � I learned I�m not as good a coach as I used to be�.�� I still like his chances. Terrell Owens was asked for one word to describe himself.�� He said �Confident�.� Asked for another word, he said,
�very�.�� You have to like that. After a good effort last
week, Kenny Mayne�s back in the dog house.� The thing with Ben Stiller giving out the awards was pathetic. I�m a Texas A&M grad and
I share Bear Bryant�s last name but c�mon, the Junction Boys was
terrible.�� It�s just not right to have
it playing on ESPN Classics. I think ESPN�s Tom
Jackson is my favorite sports TV personality.� �He�s just solid. Funniest moment Sunday was
after the ESPN countdown show, I was slow to change the channel.�� Did you know they introduce the women�s
billiard players like professional wrestlers?��
Full on smoke machine and everything.��
It was Jeanette �The Black Widow� Lee against Allison �the Duchess of
Doom� Fisher.� I�m totally serious. Watching Hulk Hogan
and Alf on the 10-10-220 commercials and it�s hard to tell which one is
the puppet. Anyone else find yourself
seeing if the Coors Light commercial is coming on before heading to the
kitchen?�� In case you miss it, here�s a
shot to tide you over� http://www.strangecosmos.com/view.adp?picture_id=6704 Has there ever been a year with
more fractured fibulas?�� I�m guessing it�s not
mandatory now to describe Bill Belichick as a �genius� every time is
name is written.�� That�s been replaced
by having to say the Jets are �the team nobody wants to play�. If I was a young NFL prospect,
I�d strongly consider changing my name to Deuce just to hear the fans yell
Dooooooce in case I made it big� Early in the season, I heard
some folks compare the New Orleans Saints to the 2000 and 2001
Rams.�� They wound up looking like the
Rams all right.�� The 2002 Rams. 15 seconds after throwing
his last interception, effectively ending the Saint�s season, Aaron Brooks
was congratulating and smiling as he shook hands with the Panther players.�� I�m telling you, that is a huge red flag. Coming back from one of the
commercial breaks in the Miami game, the camera is doing the obligatory pan
shot from the beach as two very attractive women in bikinis walk toward the
camera.�� You�re thinking �that looks
like a nice place to be� and right then on cue the dorky guy in the Speedo
walks in front blocking the view.��
Pretty much just like real life. Was there anyone happier in
Cleveland than Dwayne Rudd?�� He
came a goalline stand away from being the guy that threw his helmet and kept
the Browns out of the playoffs.�� Good
for him. Why does Dick Vermeil
wrinkle his nose up like that all the time?�
Jon Kitna needed just 6 more snaps to earn a 1.6 million
dollar bonus.�� On one hand, you can say
he has nobody to blame but himself as he threw the interception to kill the
last drive.�� On the other hand, Dick
LeBeau and Mike Brown gave some snaps to Akili Smith that cost
Kitna.�� While everyone�s talking
about Kitna, why hasn�t anyone noticed that Edgerrin James missed a $1.5
million incentive by 11 yards. Bill Belichick puts his challenge flag in his sock.�� I think that�s funny for some reason and I
have no idea why. I don�t want to kick
Cincinnati while they�re down but what will it take for Mike Brown to realize
he must hire a GM?�� Do you think he
knows he�s a laughingstock?�� Do you
think he cares?�� Do I really need Ford to
tell me it�s a �dramatization� when the guys tow the big plane so fast that it
starts to take off?�� Like I�d be
disappointed if I bought a Ford truck and I couldn�t make DC-10�s fly like a
kite behind me? The Titans are 10-1
down the stretch and don�t have a single player in the Pro Bowl.�� That has to be motivating. When Mike Tice talks
to Gary Anderson, the kicker looks Tice squarely in the belt buckle. I really like Herman Edwards.�� When asked how his team kept fighting this
year, he said, �When they told us our season was over, we didn�t believe them�. I can�t decide on the Seahawks
home jerseys.�� They�re either the
best or the worst in the NFL.�� Does
that neon green stripe glow in the dark?�
Because that would sort of make a difference. The Jets� John Hall
made all of his extra points Sunday.��
Yes, that�s unfortunately significant.��
It�s hard enough to spell Aveion
Cason�s name.�� Then along comes Avion
Black.� If you�re going to name your
kid something like that, at least they could get together and agree� Oakland had 3 running backs
Saturday that individually gained more yards than the Chiefs did as a
team.�� That�s just not right. � Billy
White Shoes
Johnson recently said he�d only give Merton Hanks and his chicken neck
dance 2 out of 4 shoes on his rating system?��
What�s up with that? No Tennessee Titan Tight End
caught a pass Sunday.�� I wonder how
long it�s been since that�s happened? Is there a more sure thing
in football than betting J.J. Stokes to come up small? The Rams TE Brandon
Manumaleuna at 6� 2� / 288 is a full grown man.�� His bio says he�s a �Thick-framed athlete��� Ok. Arizona�s Kevin Kasper
could be the only blonde WR in the league� Denny
Green
evidently has the Jedi Mind Trick thing working as most everyone seems
to think he could be the savior for these teams needing a coach.�� Did everyone forget the end at Minnesota? You
think Matt Hasselbeck is in control of the Seahawks?� Trailing 21-28 with 3:32 left in the game
and starting on his own 12, Hasselbeck led Seattle down the field.�� It was an 18 play drive.� 13 passes by Hasselbeck, one sack, and 4
rushes all by Hasselbeck including the rushing TD with :05 on the clock. Hard Luck Awards: NYG QB Kerry Collins
6 yard TD to RB Charles Stackhouse nullified by penalty NYG QB Kerry Collins
43 yard TD to WR Amani Toomer nullified by penalty MIN RB Michael Bennett
3 yard rush to the 2 (Culpepper TD) BUF RB Travis Henry 2
yard rush to the 2 BUF RB Travis Henry 1
yard rush to the 1 BUF RB Travis Henry
minus 1 yard rush to the 2 (Bledsoe to Moulds TD) WAS RB Ladell Betts
27 yard TD rush challenged and reversed BAL CB Gary Baxter 25
yard Interception TD nullified by penalty IND QB Peyton Manning
17 yard pass to RB Edgerrin James to the 1 IND RB Edgerrin James
no gain to the 1 (Mungro TD) NYJ QB Chad Pennington
9 yard pass to TE Anthony Becht to the 1 NYJ RB Lamont Jordan
no gain to the 1 (Pennington to Anderson TD) SEA QB Matt Hasselbeck
49 yard pass to TE Itula Mili to the 2 (Alexander TD) SD RB LaDainian Tomlinson
no gain to the 1 (Brees to McCrary TD) ARZ RB Marcel Shipp
no gain to the 2 ARZ RB Marcel Shipp
no gain to the 2 (yes, twice) ARZ RB Marcel Shipp
no gain to the 1 (Plummer to Kasper TD) That�ll
do it for this season Folks.�� I�ve had
a lot of fun pouring my thoughts here each week.� Thanks for reading and I wish you all the very best in everything
that you�re doing. One
last toast - Here�s to Football� Joe Joe
Bryant is the co-owner of www.footballguys.com�� You can usually find him on Sunday
afternoon staring at the Sunday Ticket broadcast muttering �this is so cool�� Thanks
to Footballguy Philip Brooks for contributing some thoughts on this one. |
